62: Holiday Traditions that Ground Us: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Connection

Stacy Griffin: Welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures. Today we're doing something a little different. We're talking about holiday traditions, but before we share any of ours, we wanted to name something real. The Holiday season can be really tricky when you're living with autoimmune and chronic illness. What used to feel fun and effortless can suddenly take more energy than we have. The travel, the cooking, the lights, the late nights. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is sprinting while our bodies just want us to slow down.

Becky Miller: And that's okay. It really is. We're allowed to adjust. We're allowed to simplify, and we're allowed to choose rest even while everyone else is choosing hustle.

There is one thing that we've learned both personally and through our autoimmune community, is that traditions can actually help anchor us during the season, and they help us recenter. They remind us that joy is still possible, even if the bells and whistles of the holidays look differently than they used to.

Alysia Thomas: Exactly. Traditions don't have to be big and elaborate. Sometimes they are smaller and softer and quieter as our lives change, but having something to look forward to, a ritual, a moment, a practice. It helps make this time of year feel meaningful instead of overwhelming. So today we're sharing a few of our personal traditions and the ones that still bring light into our homes and hearts. Some of them we've had to adapt and some stay the same, but all of them remind us that the holidays can still hold beauty even in the middle of a hard season.

Becky Miller:  So I will go ahead and start, uh, with Christmas Eve 'cause that is kind of my family's thing and I think I inherited that a little bit 'cause we had some special Christmas Eve traditions we did growing up. Um, we would read the Christmas story. Sometimes we'd read other Christmas stories like the Polar Express or watch movies together. My kids all love to do that still. They're all adults. But that is something we do together. Um, we also, uh, sometimes we do a little, almost, I, I don't know if you'd call it a lesson per se, but we do kind of a, it sort of a lesson.

Becky Miller:  We talk together about something that's meaningful, Christmas related, service related, something that is just, you know, brings a little spirituality into it, and we do what we call our gifts to Christ, which is basically choosing to serve more. Um, maybe you're saying you're gonna try and be more patient the next year, whatever. It's forgive someone, strengthen a relationship. There's all kinds of things. It's just whatever you feel personally you want to give back to the Savior for the season. And, um, that's kind of our spiritual aspect of it.

Our fun aspect is that we also do matching Christmas PJs, and we tend not to do as much of the traditional, like cutesy ones that you see. We sometimes will design our own t-shirts and we do very personalized, crazy little things that we do for our Christmas PJs, and that's our moment of silliness. We always get a family portrait when we do that. We usually, along with reading or watching Christmas movies and reading books or watching Christmas movies, we also, um, we'll play board games and do things, and we just kind of stay up a little later, have treats have a good time together. We usually have eggnog and um, that's kind of our big time. And then, um, that's kind of our special family time, so that's one of my big favorite traditions.

Stacy Griffin: Now we're gonna have Annie Toro Lopez, who came on to talk to us about food. Come and talk to us about some of her things that she loves traditionally, and then we'll come back, and we'll share more of ours.

Annie Toro Lopez: We often celebrate Yule um, you know, and we do burn, you know, the burning of your, you know, getting, getting rid of the old and bringing in the new with fresh, um. We do when we do Yule we've done, um, like a dinner where like everything is very basic and we don't use any electricity and just have a, and everything is candlelight.

And so that's been, but it's, yeah. The return of the light of the world is, is is a worldwide event. It's a big thing, right? Yeah.

Stacy Griffin: Alright. So for me, my favorite tradition actually starts on my birthday weekend. Which just happened every year Doug and I go and buy a Christmas tree is the thing I look forward to every winter holiday.

We bring it home, we put on music, and then we take our time decorating it slowly over the next little while. And there's something about that un-rushed part that feels really special to me, like the season is allowed to unfold gently instead of all at once.

Another tradition that means a lot to me is putting up our nativity. That's always been sacred to us, and that's a moment to pause and really reflect on the, our spiritual meaning for our season. And then there's another really important part of our holiday season. We celebrate Hanukkah . One of my closest friends is Jewish, and years ago she taught me what all the traditions meant, the history, the symbolism, beauty of the light being restored.

Stacy Griffin:  And because of that relationship and the deep respect I developed by, for the meaning behind it, our family began lovingly observing Hanukkah as well. So we light the candles each night, we honor the story and the miracle, and we reflect on what it means to bring light into the world, especially during a season that can really feel dark for so many people.

So even though I'm Christian, I have such a sincere appreciation of the Jewish traditions and the richness that they bring to this time of year. So it has become one of my most meaningful parts of my holiday.

Becky Miller: So now we're going to hear from Kellie Rhymes. She was with us earlier. She, uh, did her episode on Alopecia. Um, but she decided to come back for the holidays to share with us her family's traditions for Christmas and Kwanzaa.

Kellie Rhymes: I would say some of the things that excite me is just the fact that we get time off to intentionally spend with families. So this is like a time of year where, you know, normally we don't get together that often or as often as we used to as a family to sit down, have dinner, spend time together, opening the gifts, and do all of the things. So for me it's really more about that - spending time with family.

Um, we also celebrate Kwanzaa, so, uh, that week after Christmas is this the whole traditional celebration where we light our candles. Say our Kwanzaa affirmations and sayings and, uh, we still give gifts as well. So it's just, it's a happy time of year.

Things are really calm, people are happy or happier than normal. Uh, I mean, that's what really makes it special to me. It's just, and then you're wrapping up the, the year so. You're getting ready for the next year, you're planning. I know we also set, um, like our vision boards or our goals for the next year.

I do it myself as well as with my boys. So they're five and eight. So they get to dream, they get to say, "Okay, I wanna do this next year." And then we have the excitement of working towards that the entire year. So. I think that's the, the great thing about the Christmas season.

Becky Miller: I, I think that's a, a very wonderful interactive version of like, uh, New Year's resolutions, I guess you could say. Like that's, mm-hmm. That's more hands on. I like it.

Kellie Rhymes: Exactly. And it's more realistic, you know? So it's like, "Okay, I know I wanna work on this." Even the kids are like, "Okay, I want to work on learning to cook." And then we know like, okay, that's what we're doing this year. So that means when I'm in the kitchen cooking, I have to make sure they're in there as well.

Stacy Griffin: I love that so much. One of the things that I love the most about the holiday season is the focus on light. Light in the darkness. Mm-hmm. So, you know, Hanukkah has candles, Kwanzaa has candles, Advent has candles, and it's, it's just this really beautiful focus in on finding the things that really matter. Spending time with the people that really matter.

Kellie Rhymes:  Right. Like doing those boards like I just mentioned. I think that is my favorite tradition because everybody gets involved. My, my mom, my dad, the kids, like everybody is engaged because of course everybody's looking forward to what's next and what they want to be clear about for the next year. So I think that's my favorite tradition.

Stacy Griffin: I love that so much. Thank you.

Becky Miller: I was gonna say for our listeners that might not be as familiar with Kwanzaa, do you want to give them a little overview of, of what Kwanzaa is and how you celebrate.

Kellie Rhymes:  Sure. So Kwanzaa is basically, it starts the day after Christmas and it runs through New Year's, uh, Eve or New Year's Day. And it's seven days where you have seven principles and it's all about building community, uplifting community, working together.

Kellie Rhymes: Um, you know, we have different days for each principal, and on each day you light a candle, you say the principal, and then we also talk about what we are personally going to do to work towards that specific principle for the, that next year. Or we could talk about what we've done, um, for, you know, that current, this, uh, current year, what we've done towards that principle, and just how we wanna improve and just be better people and be, uh, like just better, a better community in general as far as working together.

Stacy Griffin: That's a really beautiful explanation. Thank you so much. We really appreciate you coming on and sharing your wonderful traditions with us, and we wish you the very best this holiday season.

Kellie Rhymes: Oh, and you are...

Stacy Griffin: And with your new show. I'm so excited for your show.

Becky Miller: Yes. I was. Like, for our listeners, um, Kelly's show, do you wanna give yourself a plug for that? It's actually coming out very soon.

Kellie Rhymes: Yes, yes. So, um, my show is called The Bougie Baldy Show. It's premiering on December 3rd on the Zondra TV network. So if you have a Roku, Apple TV or Fire TV, you can download the ZondraTV app and you'll be able to watch the entire show. Basically, the show is about uplifting and providing support to women who have hair loss.

So, we are sharing real stories. We have businesses that have been created based off of hair loss, you know, the, the owner's personal hair loss. And we are sharing, sharing our journeys and providing advice. And it's just a way to let other women know out there who are experiencing hair loss, that you're not alone and you can hear our stories to be able to relate. So that can help, hopefully uplift you.

Stacy Griffin: Thank you, Kelly. We really love having you on, and we are so grateful that you're part of the autoimmune community.

Alysia Thomas: I wanted to talk about one of the traditions that I love most, um, that was instilled in me by our parents. Um, and that is our holiday baking days. We fill up plates with cookies and fudge and toffee and caramel and all kinds of goodies or whatever fun new thing we've, we've tried this year. So we divide up the goodies, and then we divide and conquer and we take, um, all the plates around to our friends and family, our neighbors, and, um, share that with them.

But in recent years, it's kind of become a whole new tradition, a new adventure, if you will, that we have tried to tweak some of those traditional family recipes to make them a little healthier or a little bit safer for, um, people with some food issues. And that might mean swapping in sugar-free ingredients or trying a new kind of flour or just substituting better, uh, better for you alternatives, um, into our old favorites. And it's always really exciting when the recipe turns out, especially when you almost can't tell a difference. Um, that's not always the case. Butter will always be butter. But, um, we get really excited when we have found a way to, to take one of our traditional recipes that we love so much and make it a little healthier for us. So, and I think that our parent, our parents would approve. Um, but it has become one of my favorite parts of the season. Um, getting to keep that tradition, but adapt it in a way that is supportive of our health.

Alysia Thomas:  Um, and the other tradition that is the most meaningful to me is, uh, putting up my mom's nativity. It's a large nativity and I received it from my mom shortly before she passed away. And, um, I had nowhere to safely display it in my home with many children and many animals.

And so my husband, um, took it upon himself to build some beautiful shelves for me, specifically made for this nativity. And much like Stacy's experience putting up her nativity. I would also say that every year for me, it is a sacred experience and it is a beautiful way to reconnect, um, and to remember our parents, um, during this season and to appreciate each piece that my mom hand painted and the time and the love that she put into it. And we know that she did that for us as her children, and we know that she did that out of love for her Savior, Jesus Christ. And so the nativity is the most meaningful part of my season.

Becky Miller: Well, and one of the things that we had talked about before we did this episode is sometimes it's hard when we have loved ones we've lost or things that have happened, um, with people that are no longer in our lives. And sometimes traditions can actually be a beautiful way to help you reconnect the ones that have gone on before, um, at the holiday season. And so. Um, you might not have noticed, but in one of, uh, our holiday episodes, I am wearing a little, like a little lapel pin on my shirt, um, that I inherited from my mom.

My mom used to love to collect Christmas pins. Um, she was a teacher's aide and she, the kids loved them and so she would just - she could wear them like the whole month of December starting, I mean, sometimes even November or whatever. She just loved Christmas pins and it became a tradition for us to buy her -um, as we were older, we all, we did stockings for our parents and, uh, we would buy a Christmas pin for mom every year. And so we all inherited some after she passed. And I find that at Christmas I was never really a pin or a brooch person before. I find that at Christmas I find ways and excuses to wear it because I feel like it ties me to my mom.

Becky Miller:  Um, I am wearing flannel today. I'm wearing my dad's flannel. That's the other thing that I do at Christmas time. I'm being emotional. Um, it's hot in Texas still. It's still hot in Texas, but I wanted to wear this today because I felt like it fit with Christmas traditions. My dad. Um, would always wear his flannel shirt on Christmas morning.

All of our Christmas pictures have dad in his flannel, and when he passed, we all got some of his flannel shirts. And so whether it's a Christmas pin or a flannel shirt, those are two of the little things that maybe wouldn't mean much to anybody else, but I feel like help tie me to my parents at the holiday season.

Stacy Griffin: At the holiday season, the thing that I do, and I'm gonna be happy about this because this brings me such a immense amount of joy and because I've already cried about the nativity and everything else, but I write poetry just like my father did, and every holiday I write a Christmas poem. Or recently, I've written Christmas songs, and I love doing that, and I'm not gonna talk too much about that right now because we actually have an episode where we're gonna talk about music right before the holidays, but I love that there is something that I can do that allows me to feel that love that my parents had for me, while they were here, and that I have no doubt in my mind is still very much a part of my life.

Stacy Griffin:  So, from the Weeks Family, girls, we want to wish you the happiest of holidays. We hope that you are finding traditions that will fill your heart with joy.

Because we love hearing about how traditions can reflect something that we personally need. Like we've talked about, there's this grounding light, a connection, and there's rest. And that's what traditions should do. They shouldn't wear us out, they shouldn't destroy us. They should lift us up and bring us peace and happiness at this time of year.

Becky Miller: And if you're listening and you're feeling like your holidays look a little differently now because of chronic illness. You're not alone. Like honestly, we've had to adapt recipes. Alysia was talking about cooking and obviously we've changed the cooking for all of us to make it healthier and more autoimmune friendly. But I've found in recent years, um, with some of the health issues I have, I've just cut some things out. I actually sat down with my kids and asked them, "What is important to you?" Because I wanna keep the traditions that are important to my family, but I also minimized what I was doing because I just needed to do it for the sake of my health.

And so it's okay to do that. You're not alone. You can, you can change and you can adapt. You're allowed to choose traditions that support you and don't drain you.

Alysia Thomas: Absolutely. And one of my other favorites I have to throw in there, because it reminded me, because Stacy's the one that instilled this in me years ago.

Alysia Thomas:  Um, one of my very favorite things is just to have a moment sitting in front of the Christmas tree, um, in the dark. All you have is the lights from the tree. And usually I have a cup of hot cocoa in my hand, and I listen to Christmas hymns. Um. And it is simple. It's not difficult. It takes no energy on my part. It refuels me, it lifts me up, and it reminds me of all the goodness of the season. Just, you know, putting your phone down and taking in the beauty of the season, that's all it really takes.

So whatever way you celebrate. Whatever holiday you celebrate, whatever pace you were moving at. We hope that you find a little bit of spark of holiday magic and a moment that makes it feel light for you.

Remember that you are worthy of joy. Disease does not define your life. You do.