89 - How Trauma, Burnout and Chronic Stress Keep You Stuck in Survival with Hailey Coleman

Alysia Thomas: Okay. Hello everybody and welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures where we explore the real life challenges and victories of living with chronic illness and autoimmune disease. We are so glad you're here with us today.  

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 Alysia Thomas: Whether you are listening while you're resting, while you're driving, folding laundry, working, or simply taking a few moments to breathe, we want you to know that you're not alone on this journey. Today's conversation is one that so many in our community need.hailey coleman: How are you?Alysia Thomas: We talk often about stress and burnout, um overwhelm, emotional toll that chronic illness can take. But today, we're digging a little deeper into what it act what's actually happening inside our body when Excuse me. Let me just try that sentence again. I'm going to do the whole I'm going to do the whole paragraph again. Today's conversation is one that many of our community need to hear. We talk often about stress, burnout, overwhelm, and the emotional toll that chronic illness can take. But today, we're digging deeper into what is actually happening inside our bodies when stress becomes chronic. Joining us today is Haley Coleman, who works with individuals experiencing stress, anxiety, and burnout, helping them understand how trauma and long-term stress can impact the nervous system and how they can  

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 hailey coleman: Okay.Alysia Thomas: begin to move out of survival mode and into a more grounded and regulated state. Haley brings both lived experience and professional training to this work and we're excited to talk about nervous system regulation, burnout, and emotional overload and get some practical tools that our listeners can use in everyday life. Haley, welcome to Autoimmune Adventures. We are so glad that you'rehailey coleman: Thank you.Alysia Thomas: here.hailey coleman: It's an honor to be here.Stacy Griffin: So, as we begin, here's a question that we like to ask when we have people like you here with us. Many people living with autoimmune disease experience a lot of chronic stress. I think it kind of is part and parcel of what we're going through. And whether it comes from managing symptoms or navigating health care or balancing our daily responsibilities is irrelevant. It it it is there and we need to address it. So can you explain why long-term stress affects the nervous system and why it matters for our overallhailey coleman: Absolutely.Stacy Griffin: health?  

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 hailey coleman: Um there's been lots of studies showing that high cortisol comes from stress. Um like everyone knows and high cortisol reres havoc in our body. Um we're finding that high cortisol levels longterm um can cause chronic health conditions uh as well as chronic mental health conditions. So, we're seeing more and more people with long-term stress um just developing different cancers or different autoimmune uh disorders. Um a lot of mental health stuff popping up that normally wouldn't occur naturally because it's situational. Um it's scary. It's super scary. And you know, everyone that I've worked with didn't even realize that they had chronic stress in their lives because their nervous system was used to the environment. So, it's really only until our body starts screaming at us that we start to like explore what it is. And I'm just like putting this out there, but like majority of the people that I've talked to with autoimmune don't actually understand where it came from. Um it's kind of like a lot of people it's like a mystery to them like why did I get this condition and it's oh we'll label it as autoimmune because it's like this unknown thing and I feel like that's just like like band-aid uh label and I don't know if  

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 Alysia Thomas: like an umbrella.hailey coleman: Yeah,Alysia Thomas: Yeah,hailey coleman: I don't know if you Yeah.Alysia Thomas: it's like an umbrella for all the random s***.hailey coleman: Oh, we don't know. It's autoimmune. It's like okay. Um, so I don't know if you too can attest to that,Alysia Thomas: Yeah.hailey coleman: but that's just what I've experienced in my line of work. Um, and if you go back to all of those individuals who are given this autoimmune disorder um, diagnosis because there's unknown reasons. Uh a lot of them do have childhood trauma um or chronic stress or family trauma or and and trauma can be like it doesn't have to be crazy trauma like everyone develops trauma from different certain like places, things, people. Uh it's just how our body reacts to it that causes the trauma inside. Um yeah, it's it's a fascinating topic. I yeah, I'm excited to talk about it today.Alysia Thomas: Well, Stacy and I were just talking about this before you jumped on.hailey coleman: ThisAlysia Thomas: Um, because I'm I'm in pmenopause.  

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 hailey coleman: one.Alysia Thomas: It just has descended on me and I feel like everything is so much harder in my life than it was before. I feel like stress is completely different to me than it was before. I cannot handle things that I used to be able to handle.hailey coleman: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: And so we hear you talk about something that well survival mode, right? Sur I think most people are probably familiar with that term. Um I feel like I'm living it dayto-day right now. But what are some hidden signs that someone's nervous system is stuck in survival mode even if they appear to be successful or high functioning on the outside?hailey coleman: a majority of people are high functioning. You know, it's just like our nervous system is so adaptable in both positive and negative that when we have stuff going on in our lives, it just adapts to it, right? So, we don't even realize sometimes until the signs and symptoms happen. Um, but what I've seen across the board with women specifically is that chronic stress shows up as hormonal symptoms.  

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 hailey coleman: Um a lot of women think that it is pmenopause or their period or menopause and it's sometimes it is um but chronic stress can also induce that. Uh so we're finding that symptoms obviously are very different amongst everyone because our nervous systems are biologically unique to us. Um and our situations are different. But the biggest symptoms I've seen across all my clients are gut health issues. Um, all of our emotions are built in our gut. So whether that's IBS or if you're stressed, you have to go to the bathroom all the time. Um, you know, like bloating is another one, weight gain, weight loss, uh, anything to do with the gut if it's just not like happy gut health. Um, usually due to chronic stress. Um, another one is heart palpitations. Um, a lot of people were that I've worked with are have been on heart monitors, including myself, just to rule out anything crazy, uh, ends up being stress. Um, another big one is like, well, obviously mental health, so anxiety, uh, walking on eggshells, um, I want to say also panic attacks at times depending on the person.  

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 hailey coleman: that was also me. Um, disassociation is a really big one. Um, and then like the the other major ones like fight, flea, uh, freeze, um, fawn, like all that stuff. So, those are the biggest ones across the board. I have seen other things like um your body shakes in certain situations or around certain people. Um, sometimes your hands get clammy, you know, just different things like that. But yeah, those are the biggest ones that I've come across with my clients.Alysia Thomas: I think those are good. That's a really good list. Um because I I don't know about everybody listening.hailey coleman: Yeah.Alysia Thomas: I don't know about you, Haley, but when I started getting these symptoms, I had no idea where they were coming from. I had no idea even I didn't even know about nervous system regulation until my sister Stacy started training in it and how to help people with it. And the more I learn, the more I'm like, why aren't we taught this? Why are we not teaching this to kids in school?  

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 hailey coleman: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: They I mean, this is something that they really should be learning because I feel like our world is just getting harder and harder on our nervous systems. And if we don't learn to stop and and listen to our bodies and and see the signs for what they are and stop and take care of ourselves properly or even just learn how to take care of ourselves properly, it sets us up for a nasty it sets us up for autoimmune disease.hailey coleman: That'sAlysia Thomas: It sets us up for heart palpitations and panic attacks.hailey coleman: right.Alysia Thomas: And we got to learn how to notice those things and and how to act on them.Stacy Griffin: I I agree. I think that trauma and chronic stress rewire our nervous system. and and that um phrase might get used a lot,hailey coleman: 100%.Stacy Griffin: but the truth of the matter is it it's a very real problem. So, let's talk about practical everyday um terms for someone living with anxiety, burnout, or chronic illness that will help them better understand this.  

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 Stacy Griffin: Because I don't know about you, Haley, but I know that in my personal experience quite often people don't understand even what I'm saying when I say we need to regulate your nervous system.Alysia Thomas: Yep.hailey coleman: Mhm.Stacy Griffin: People are like, "What? What does that even mean?" So, what are some of the ways that you make that a little more um understandable forAlysia Thomas: Yep.Stacy Griffin: people?hailey coleman: Um, being calm. So, if you're if you're having a tough day and you feel like you're on edge, how do I calm that down? How do I bring myself back to normal? Um, if you're find if you're a parent and you're finding that you are yelling a lot or you just have very little patience, how do you regroup? How do you bring yourself back to norm? Um, another great example is if you are a high achiever and you're in the corporate world and you're just you have all these projects and everything's just like feeling like really crazy like how how do you channel how do you bring your self back to your normal calm mode in that environment?  

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 hailey coleman: How do you how do you kind of let everything kind of just be ignored for a few minutes and just regroup? And and I I teach people who are who are new to the nervous system world um a really simple I call it my bathroom effect. I'm going to teach it to you now because if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're feeling angry a lot, if you have big emotions, whether it's sadness or anger or whatever, um if you're feeling like everyone's just annoying you, like that is all like you're just you're everything's just like too much. So hopefully those are simple words that you can everyday stuff that you engage with. Um maybe that person's just annoying you. Maybe that person next to you is chewing too loud and it's just like ah um like literally those like simple little things. Um maybe your boss's voice is annoying the crap out of you. I don't know. But it's like when you're not yourself and things are getting to you, that's your nervous system telling you, I'm maxed out in this moment.  

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 hailey coleman: So when you're feeling all of those things, I like to say to my clients, do the bathroom effect. So we all go to the bathroom, let's on average, let's say 10, 12 times a day. Um, it is a private space. So, the door is typically shut whether you're at work, home, or whatever. Um, once you shut that door, you're in an enclosed space where you can have a moment to yourself. So, I want you to stand there with your feet planted and either close your eyes or stare at the tap and you're going to put one hand on your heart, but pressing into your chest so that you feel your heartbeat. So press deep into your chest so you can feel it. The other hand I want on your belly and as you're standing there with two feet planted in the bathroom staring at a tap or with your eyes closed I want you to do 10 deep and slow belly breaths. And this will this will reg this will ground you and reset you from anywhere to 30 to 60 minutes from what I've experienced.  

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 hailey coleman: Now, if you can do that for 10 breaths every single time you go pee, you're gonna be reccalibrating your nervous system. It's going to reset you for that next hour. And most people go pee every 1 to two hours, let's say, right? So, if you can do that for 10 breaths, it will help just retrain your system.Alysia Thomas: That's a healthy habit.hailey coleman: Right. And and what's 10Alysia Thomas: I I'm gonna work Yeah.hailey coleman: breaths?Alysia Thomas: Yeah. I'm going to work that I'm going to work that into my bathroom schedule.hailey coleman: Well,Alysia Thomas: That's gonna I mean,hailey coleman: thatAlysia Thomas: the bathroom is going to be my my trigger for Okay,hailey coleman: Yeah.Alysia Thomas: now we're going to take some time to regulate our nervous system.hailey coleman: Like honestly put like even put sticky notes like on your bathroom mirror,Alysia Thomas: A great idea.hailey coleman: you know? Like you can you can every single time you go in there, like I know when my kids were little,  

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 Alysia Thomas: It'shailey coleman: like I would honestly just pretend I was going to the bathroom, you know,Stacy Griffin: Ohhailey coleman: like just to get away and and even for like I've I've talked toStacy Griffin: Ah.hailey coleman: other other people who are like uh I was talking to a doctor yesterday and they were like, you know, I would just go to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I wouldn't even go to the bathroom. She was an emergency room doctor. I was like, "Yeah, cuz bathroom's a private space where you can get away and no one bothers you for a couple minutes, so why not do your breath work in there?" Yeah.Alysia Thomas: I think that's genius. I really do. But I don't like when I'm in my flurry of mental activity andhailey coleman: I'mAlysia Thomas: nervous system dysregulation, I I have a really hard time in the moment recognizing that that's what's happening and that I need to stop and breathe and I need to stop and maybe take a second or whatever. But I think if I attached that exercise to going to the bathroom, like actually did it,  

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 hailey coleman: Yeah.Alysia Thomas: that would that would be so helpful because it would be a trigger, you know? I And maybe it would help me also recognize when I'm in the moment and need to stop a little bit better, too. Um,hailey coleman: So that's that's what I'm trying to recreate. We're trying to recreate muscle memory. We're trying to recreate a pattern so that our our nervous system is going hard left and now we're going to intersect it with some bathroom techniques. So we want to like slowly get it going back to right. It it's a new pathway. Uh it takes time, but what we're trying to do is rewire our our nervous system so that when we do have bigger moments, we know now that that technique or a breath work technique, which I teach in um in my work, I teach a lot of other ones, but um breath work will calm you enough so that when you're in a bigger moment and you're like, "Wo, I'm feeling like I can't breathe or I'm feeling like my chest is tight or wow my shoulders have been super upright for about an hour or I can't swallow or whatever your like tightness is, right?  

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 hailey coleman: Um you're going to be now able to recognize, let's say after doing this bathroom technique for a week, you're already rewiring yourself. So, I'm I've seen evidence of individuals having less moments because you're already starting to rewire. Um, and when they do have moments, it's like because they've been less, it stands out more. So, you're like, whoa, I feel like really off right now. I'm just, you know what I mean? Like it's not because what's happening in individuals like you per se is that now this is your norm. Right now, this is your normal nervous system where you are feeling kind of up here all the time. So, every time you go to the bathroom and you implement those 10 breaths, even if you're not having a bad moment, you're starting to rewire those pathways.Alysia Thomas: That makes total sense to me. It really does. Um, and I try I o over the years I have gotten better at listening to my body because it's a necessity when you live with chronic illness, right?  

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 Alysia Thomas: Um, hang on, Stace.hailey coleman: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: Um, am I supposed to move with this next question or did you change that? I didn't I didn't see what was happening.Stacy Griffin: Um, you're still on your question about self-awareness.Alysia Thomas: Oh, I skipped down. I'm sorry. I was gonna say my my screen scrolled past my question. I didn't know where it went. Um, self-awareness. Let me compose myself here. Let me take a deep breath.hailey coleman: All good. I love flowing. We like to flow.Alysia Thomas: So when you when you live with chronic illness, um you do have to start paying closer attention to your body, you do become a little more self-aware. And I think that many of our listeners are are quite self-aware or learning to be. They read, they learn, they try to take care of themselves, they try different things to help themselves feel better. And yet they are still exhausted. So why does burnout happen to people, even the people who are trying to do everything right?  

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 hailey coleman: energy expenditure. If you're hyperfocused on something, you're wasting energy. If you're hyperfocused on research or I'm going to try all the things to try to make myself better, you're wasting energy medically. Yeah, there might be some things that can be done with with autoimmune. Absolutely. Um, but what I don't understand is why medical doctors are not teaching patients and I I don't know if this is controversial or not. Uh, why they're not teaching patients with possible autoimmune disorders because like I said, I believe autoimmune, the word autoimmune is a cover up for I don't know. Um, why are they not teaching stress regulation and gut health? Like, why are they doing like,Alysia Thomas: Great question.hailey coleman: oh, let's get you tested for all these things and drawing blood and when you draw blood, that's weakening your system, too. That's a whole other topic. Um, why are they giving everyone medication when it's just a band-aid solution? Like I I get I get some situations, but but when you're first struggling because a lot of individuals go to the doctor when they can't take it anymore.  

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 hailey coleman: So now maybe they're past that point and now they do need medicine. But when you're first struggling and you're noticing these weird things going on with your body, whether it's uh rashes or or weird symptoms or whatever it is, why are they not teaching gut health intolerances? Like have either one of you ever had a intolerance test, a food intoler Yeah. But was that on you?Stacy Griffin: Oh, it was totally me demanding it.hailey coleman: Yeah.Stacy Griffin: I went in and said,hailey coleman: Yeah.Stacy Griffin: "Look,Alysia Thomas: Yeah.Stacy Griffin: I'm done with whatever this crap is. I need to know what I need to do." And finally,hailey coleman: Yeah.Stacy Griffin: well, I guess you could try this and we could do this and then, but I had to find a functional medicine doctor before I could even get that done.Alysia Thomas: Same.Stacy Griffin: So,hailey coleman: That's like that's wild toAlysia Thomas: Same. Yeah. No,hailey coleman: me.Alysia Thomas: I could not find anybody in like a traditionally trained doctor, western medicine kind of doctor that would do that.  

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 hailey coleman: Like that that blows my mind because majority of autoimmune if it was caught at the right time probably could have been fixed with supplements, gut health support and stress regulation.Alysia Thomas: But women are 80% of the people that suffer with autoimmune conditions. And I truly believe that it is because in our society, in our culture, women are taught to be selfless and think of themselves last.hailey coleman: Women carry 10 full-time jobs. Like, how many hats do women wear?Alysia Thomas: Yeah, I truly believe that.hailey coleman: Plus Yeah.Alysia Thomas: I believe that's what happened withhailey coleman: Plus the carrying of children, like if you have children, like that that's horrific on your body,Alysia Thomas: me.hailey coleman: you know, like it's a natural thing, but like if you don't if you don't deal with pregnancy properly or your body doesn't handle it properly pre-post, during, like there's a it's it's hard on you.Alysia Thomas: It is our bodies put up with a lot as women. We experience a lot. And I did go to the doctor when I first started noticing things.  

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 Alysia Thomas: I went to, in fact, five different doctors. And I was gas lit every single time until Stacy said,hailey coleman: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: "Here's what you need to do. You need to go in. You need to say, "I need this test done. I need this test done. I need this test done.hailey coleman: I don't know.Alysia Thomas: I need to check for antibodies." And she said,hailey coleman: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: "Don't let them tell you no." And I was like, I can do that.hailey coleman: But if you didn't have if you didn't have Stacy who's already kind of paved thatAlysia Thomas: I can do that, you know. No.hailey coleman: path, like you'd be walking in there blind and being like, "Okay, next doctor.Alysia Thomas: Yeah,hailey coleman: Okay." Right.Alysia Thomas: exactly. She's like,hailey coleman: Like,Alysia Thomas: she's further. She's a little further down the road than I am and she's already been through so many of those things.hailey coleman: yeah.Alysia Thomas: And honestly, my diagnosis followed her diagnosis. She got diagnosed with celiac, I got diagnosed with celiac.  

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 Alysia Thomas: She got diagnosed with Hashimoto's.hailey coleman: again intolerances though,Alysia Thomas: I got diagnosed withhailey coleman: like why are they not like the the reason I'm like soAlysia Thomas: Hashimoto.hailey coleman: um passionate about this? I don't have an autoimmune disorder uh right now. Um but my son, they were trying to say he did and I was like, "This doesn't feel right." like he was like seven and I was like I'm going to my um natural doctor and I'm going to test for mold exposure. I'm going to test for all the intolerance of 300 and something foods. Um I test I did uh I did a few um all his like mineral and supplement tests too to see like what his blood was carrying. Um, the mold exposure was fascinating. But I went in there and I paid out of pocket a couple grand because I was like thereAlysia Thomas: Yeah.hailey coleman: because his medical doctor was like we should try these meds. I'm like based on what?Alysia Thomas: Yeah.hailey coleman: Like literally based on what evidence?  

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 hailey coleman: Nothing. They had nothing. They just had the unknown. And I was like, there's no freaking way I'm doing that to a kid. So, I went down this spiral path of we figured out that he was low in feritin.Alysia Thomas: No.hailey coleman: We figured out that he had dairy intolerance, um, gluten intolerance,Alysia Thomas: Mhm.hailey coleman: red meat intolerance because something in the protein. Um, we discovered that he was exposed to mold at some point and we needed to do a detox. Like if I didn't do that based off of my own hunch, like I he would have been he would probably still be on meds and probably on his third trial of meds. I don't know. Like that'sAlysia Thomas: It is.hailey coleman: crazy.Alysia Thomas: But a do but a regular doctor is not going to be like, "Hey, let's do all this and dig deep and figure it out." They are going you I mean the tens ofhailey coleman: YouAlysia Thomas: thousands of dollars that I have spent trying to get well  

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 hailey coleman: know,Alysia Thomas: over especially most especially in those early years after I started feeling gross, after I started feeling nasty. And I think about between Becky and Stacy and I, the amount of money we have thrown at, you name it, we've tried it, trying to feel better is absolutely obscene. It'shailey coleman: and yet in the very very very early stages.Alysia Thomas: obscene.hailey coleman: I'm so curious to know what gut health and supplements and stress reduction would have done with yourAlysia Thomas: I didn't even I I had never even heard the term gut health until I was years intohailey coleman: body.Alysia Thomas: my diagnosis because doctors don't they still don't talk about it. It's starting to I'm starting to last time I was there my doctor was talking about the gut microbiome and you know eating 30 different plants a week is going to give you the best microbes to help build your gut health. And I was like oh my gosh thank you. Thank you. Preach it girl.hailey coleman: But how long were you in at that  

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 Alysia Thomas: But yeah, I mean,hailey coleman: point?Alysia Thomas: years over a decade. So, okay, I'm getting off topic. Sorry. But I'm I'm passion I'm passionate about it, too. We're we're we're both passionate about this, I think. So,Stacy Griffin: it it matters and and not a lot of people talk about it. All right. So,Alysia Thomas: no.Stacy Griffin: I think the three of us are pretty connected to our own bodies. Here's the thing, though. I don't think that's the general case. I think that a lot of people with chronic illness feel really disconnected from their own bodies because they've caused them pain. They're uncertain. And as we've already noted, they go into the doctor, they don't get what they need. They're not receiving a sense of understanding what is even happening in their own body.hailey coleman: That's nothing.Stacy Griffin: So, how can someone rebuild a sense of safety in their own body, especially after so much trauma?hailey coleman: uh they need to build trust within themselves.  

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 hailey coleman: Um that's a biggest thing amongst all of my clients. Um learning how to trust themselves again, learning how to trust their environment again. Um trust is built on boundaries. uh boundaries with self and that those are all different amongst each other. Um a self boundary for example is if you if you are a sorry person I'm so sorry I'm so sorry like saying sorry all the time my that new boundary will be I'm not going to say sorry for things I didn't do. So like think of yourself in terms of how do you want to rebuild that trust within yourself so you can regain your awareness. You can like that that feeling where you're like,Stacy Griffin: Ihailey coleman: you know, something still isn't right. Like, but do I trust myself with that? I've been gaslit for how many years, you know, like how am I going to do that? Boundaries, but with within self, not within others. It's like, you know, I'm going to ask Stacy, what would be a boundary that you would personally want to work on?  

00:31:14

 Stacy Griffin: think probably the most important boundary that I need to work on is trusting my body when it tells me it's time to stop.hailey coleman: Okay. And how do you how will you implement that boundary?Stacy Griffin: I'm going to have to implement that boundary by really just accepting that what is best for my body is to stop when it tells me to stop. My body I would rather listen to it when it's whispering at me than when it's screaming because when it's screaming I'm in a full-on flare. I laid out flat for two or three days and I'm happy to say that because I have been working on this boundary, I haven't had a flare day in many, many months.hailey coleman: That's huge. Huge.Stacy Griffin: So,hailey coleman: So, do you say now that you've been working on that,Stacy Griffin: yeah.hailey coleman: you are starting to trust your awarenessStacy Griffin: Yes. And as I begin to trust that awareness,hailey coleman: again?Stacy Griffin: as I begin to listen to what my body is telling me, then what I discover is that it's always going to guide me if I allow myself the quiet to hear it.  

00:32:28

 Stacy Griffin: But I actually have to stop and let myself listen. And we live in a world that doesn't lend itself to that. So I have to make a space for that to happen.Alysia Thomas: That's a great idea to add to your bathroom check-in.hailey coleman: Yep.Alysia Thomas: Right. Checking in with my body. Let me just see how are you doing.hailey coleman: What's a boundary for you that you want to work on or have been working on?Alysia Thomas: a boundary with myself. I think I think what I need to be working on right now is is accepting that I am going through a massive transformation. and allowing myself to do that with kindness. I don't know how that's a boundary exactly. Maybe my boundary is I stop myself when I start spiraling saying I I don't know how to do all this. I'm over my head. I don't even know where to start. There's so much going on.hailey coleman: You could make a mantra for yourself that you repeat.  

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 hailey coleman: when you start spiraling. It's what some of my clients do.Alysia Thomas: That's a greathailey coleman: So, it's like cognitive behavioral therapy.Alysia Thomas: idea.hailey coleman: You're going to flip the script. So, what is one spiral thought that you usually have?Alysia Thomas: Um, my most recent set of spiraling thoughts. There's so many to pick from.hailey coleman: Just just one I want to teach youAlysia Thomas: Um, I would say today what my my spiral thishailey coleman: something.Alysia Thomas: morning was um I can't I can't do it all. I can't I can't do everything that I need to be doing.hailey coleman: So what would be the complete opposite of that?Alysia Thomas: I can do I don't want to say I can do everything.Stacy Griffin: AndAlysia Thomas: I want to say I can do what needs to behailey coleman: There you go.Alysia Thomas: done.hailey coleman: So then that would be a mantra that you can repeat to yourself when you start thinking those spiral thoughts.Alysia Thomas: I like that. I like that I can do what needs to be done.  

00:35:07

 hailey coleman: Yeah. Yeah. And that's a boundary within yourself.Alysia Thomas: Yeah.hailey coleman: So now now you're going to be like, you know what? I'm not going to take on the world, but I'm going to do what needs to be done. And what needs to be done today? A B C D. Cool. I'm going to do those things. See, you're just like instantly flipping it,Stacy Griffin: I'm going to right and I'm going to beAlysia Thomas: Mhm.hailey coleman: right?Stacy Griffin: okay if all I get done is A, B, and C. If D, E,hailey coleman: Yep.Stacy Griffin: and F don't happen,hailey coleman: Yep.Stacy Griffin: I'm allowing myself to accept that I did what I needed to to keep my body okay.hailey coleman: And you need to write write that those words down because when we're in a spiral mode, we don't think like that naturally. We're starting to get into survivorful stuff. Um, so I've usually tell my clients, you know, write write those things down. the opposite of what you negatively feel.  

00:36:09

 hailey coleman: Like what Stacy just said, like write that down so that when you are spiraling, it's easy for you to be like, "Oh, I want to read this." Instead of, "What are the things I need to tell myself?" You're not going to think like that,Alysia Thomas: Okay.hailey coleman: but you can read it and read it on repeat for a few minutes.Alysia Thomas: Yeah.hailey coleman: But here's a weird thing. So, the reason I'm saying all this to you and the audience is because this is a technique that naturally calms our nervous system. It naturally resets ourselves because now we're trusting ourselves. Now we have boundaries within ourselves. Now we're flipping the script in our uh frantic mindset. But the trick with our brain is that we need to see, hear, and believe it essentially. So you're going to read it out loud. Whatever your new mantra is or whatever thing you need to tell yourself in those moments, you're going to read it out loud because it needs your brain needs to hear it. So it our brain connects in multiple ways.  

00:37:12

 hailey coleman: We need to speak it, read it, and hear it. And that and it it it honestly changes the way it lands in our brain.Alysia Thomas: That makes sense to me.hailey coleman: Another really great thing um is when someone is spiraling or has crazy thoughts and it's just not stopping um humming. So I don't know if you talk to your like the audience about humming but that is for me it's uh Christmas carols because we are the lyrics are embedded in our souls I swear. So if you know all the lyrics to a song you just hum it and your brain literally can't do frantic thoughts and thinking of the words to hum at the same time.Stacy Griffin: And the thing I love the most about that is it regulates your vagAlysia Thomas: Yes.Stacy Griffin: nerve. Humming is like the bomb for making things better in your life.hailey coleman: Yep. Humming is a is a life source.Stacy Griffin: It isAlysia Thomas: Yes,Stacy Griffin: Mhm.Alysia Thomas: Stacy has taught me this and I will I it's another one that I'm trying to remember to  

00:38:22

 hailey coleman: Honestly,Alysia Thomas: do it. I'm trying to remember to do it. Um but I I felt a little silly the other morning doing it. I woke up with anxiety and I was like, "What is going on?" So, I got out of the shower and I was like, "Okay, I'm going to try it. I'm just going to hum. I'm going to hum as loud as I can. I'm gonna hum with attitude. And holy crap, it works. I calmed down. I calmed down.hailey coleman: Yeah.Alysia Thomas: And I I was a little shook by it, honestly, because I felt ridiculous doing it. I felt silly doing it,hailey coleman: People walk around the streets humming all the time.Alysia Thomas: buthailey coleman: They don't give a crap.Alysia Thomas: no.hailey coleman: They don't care.Alysia Thomas: And it's a it's a pleasant thing. I smile when I see somebody humming or whistling, but when I see somebody humming,hailey coleman: Yeah.Alysia Thomas: I'm like, they're they're feeling it. They're feeling good today or whatever.  

00:39:24

 Alysia Thomas: Like you. So, it's also a little bit of a shift in my brain when I'm humming, especially if I choose a happy song.hailey coleman: And you said whistling.Alysia Thomas: So,hailey coleman: I want to I want to make mention that humming humming works better than whistling because of the vibration in our throat. There's something that triggers the vagus to calm. There's something in there.Stacy Griffin: Ihailey coleman: It's the vibration.Alysia Thomas: Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Well, we we need to wrap up. So,hailey coleman: Okay. already.Alysia Thomas: um I know I know we we get chatting and when we're talking tohailey coleman: I feel What the heck?Alysia Thomas: people that have the passionate the passion we have for this these subjects,Stacy Griffin: know.Alysia Thomas: the time flies by and makes me it makes me sad becausehailey coleman: Yeah, I think we need like a part two or something cuz IAlysia Thomas: there's we we might need to do that.hailey coleman: feel IAlysia Thomas: Yeah. Because we we have a lot more that we could talk about.  

00:40:14

 Alysia Thomas: I think we have we have a whole lot of questions we didn't even we didn't even get to.hailey coleman: know.Alysia Thomas: So,hailey coleman: I think we got through like three.Alysia Thomas: yeah. Yeah, it was not as much as we would like to, but we will we would love to have you back. Um, so Haley, this has been such a meaningful conversation. We know that so many of our listeners are struggling with stress and burnout and uncertainty. And so hearing practical ways that they can work on retraining their nervous system, learning how to calm it, it gives us hope that recovery is possible.hailey coleman: It is possible.Alysia Thomas: And yes, and even even in small steps, um we wanted to ask if our listeners want to get in contact with you, follow your work, work with you, how what um what do you want to share with them so that they could find you?hailey coleman: I created a landing page on my website.Stacy Griffin: Yeah,hailey coleman: So, it's www.haley-colman.com. Um, hopefully will that be in like the notes of the Yeah.  

00:41:16

 Stacy Griffin: we'll includehailey coleman: Yeah.Stacy Griffin: that.Alysia Thomas: Yep.hailey coleman: So uh the landing page is your name, your email and if you put podcast in the comment section, it comes directly to me and you will get a complimentary session with me. It's a mini session. I'm only doing this for a certain amount of sessions, but I really wanted to give away a bunch of complimentary sessions um to anyone listening on podcast. So if you type podcast in there, then I'll know. And uh yeah, you'll get a complimentary session and then we'll go fromAlysia Thomas: I love it.hailey coleman: there.Alysia Thomas: I love it. Thank you. That's very generous of you.hailey coleman: You'reAlysia Thomas: Thank you so much.Stacy Griffin: Well, Haley,hailey coleman: welcome.Stacy Griffin: it has been wonderful having you on today. And as we wrap up today's episode, we want to thank our audience for joining us on this journey. Your time matters and the fact that you choose to spend your day with us. It it means a lot.  

00:42:15

 Stacy Griffin: If today's conversation resonated with you, we encourage you to take just one small step this week, whether that's pausing to breathe or hum, checking in with your body, giving yourself permission to rest when you need it. And don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on our website so that you never miss an episode. And while you're there, we invite you to also sign up for the scenic route newsletter. We like to share our encouragement and insight and updates there. So, we'd love to have you join us. We are grateful to have you as part of our autoimmune adventures. Let's try that again, Stace. Good heavens. It's been a long night. We are.hailey coleman: A Oh,Stacy Griffin: Yeah, it was an insomnia night, so I'm a little crazy.hailey coleman: I hate those.Alysia Thomas: You're doinghailey coleman: Yeah, you're just keepStacy Griffin: Thanks. I appreciate it.Alysia Thomas: great.Stacy Griffin: We are so grateful to have you as part of our autoimmune adventures community.hailey coleman: going.Stacy Griffin: And as always, remember you are worthy of joy. Disease does not define your life. You do.