EPISODE 7: Hiking the Dining Trail: Navigating Food in a Social Setting

ALYSIA: Welcome back to autoimmune adventures. Today we are picking back up where we left off in our discussion about the importance of a healthy diet. Food is such a huge part of our society, of our culture, and it is something that we have to discuss when it has such a huge impact on our health. So, we're going to start off by talking about navigating food in a social setting.

BECKY: So, obviously one of the first ones is when you go out to eat with your friends or your family. Um, you shouldn't feel like, I think sometimes people when we have autoimmune diseases, we feel like we can't go out to eat anymore. That is not the case. In fact, I have been to some really wonderful restaurants that cater to people who need gluten free food or organic or whatever, so do your research first. Make sure you're looking at where you're going so that you're not getting stuck somewhere. I have also been places with friends that literally have nothing gluten free and I end up, like, sucking on my drink for the night. Um, so, do your research. Make sure there's actually, there's something at the restaurant that you can eat.

Make sure that you advocate for yourself. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't just ask for, like, a gluten free menu or what's organic or any of those things that you're curious about. Um, ask about even if you're concerned, if you have a lot of sensitivities, ask about how they do things in the kitchen. If it's gluten free, um, is there a dedicated gluten free space? Do they use a different set of gloves than they use when they're handling the glutinous food? And we've talked about how my sisters and I, you don't want to be like that annoying person. But at the same time, you, you have to be sometimes to some degree. You can still be polite. You can be polite and ask about it nicely. But you do have to advocate for yourself and make sure that what you're doing is safe. And what you're going to be eating is safe.

Big one, FYI, especially if you're going fast food. You want to make sure that if you want your fries, that they are in a dedicated fryer, because if they're frying them with like, the chicken strips or the onion rings or anything else, that might be stuff you can't eat...don't be afraid to ask things like that.

STACY: Whether it is celiac or some other thing - like I know that I have a friend with rheumatoid arthritis that can't eat soy, and soy is everywhere. So, you have to be careful, and you have to ask questions, and you have to just trust that your health and your well being for the next several days is more important than maybe upsetting someone for a second. I find that most of the wait staff is pretty friendly and pretty understanding about it. But if you get a waiter or a waitress that's not happy to help you, ask for a manager.

ALYSIA: And when you do find a good waiter or waitress, and you find a place that is taking good care of you, tip well, tip well, I always say to the waiter or the waitress, you know, can you please thank the chef, the cook for me, because this was an amazing meal and you guys went above and beyond. I think that it is important to express gratitude because that makes people who run those kinds of businesses want to cater to people like us more when they see that how grateful we are.

STACY: I agree. Um, one of the other difficult times for eating and navigating food in a social setting is the holidays and other gatherings that you might have with your friends and family. So, our suggestion is that if you have certain dietary restrictions and it's going to be too awkward and too difficult to discuss it with all of the people involved, especially if you're from a large family it gets difficult. Try not to make your relatives feel guilty. I think we get offended sometimes because why doesn't anyone care about me? And it's, it's not about them not caring. It's that they don't have to worry about it. They don't think about it. So, um, you will get people who will go above and beyond, but not everyone's going to know even how to go above and beyond to help you.

So, we have to think about the importance of our relationships being important, but keeping our health where it needs to be, and that means that sometimes you're going to have to bring something that you can eat, or you might have to eat beforehand, and then just sit there and sip on a soda, or whatever, because, that's what you need to do.

Another fun thing that you can do, and that I have done a lot of in the last few years, is you can take maybe one of the family recipes and adapt it to what you can eat, and find creative ways of doing that. And we'll talk a lot about that in the future, but that's just one of the ways that you can make new traditions, find new ways of approaching the holidays, and without losing everything that you're used to tradition wise.

ALYSIA: Yeah, I, I know we grew up in a home where our mom made Christmas candy, many different kinds and Christmas cookies, many different kinds. And, um, it was pretty hard as we all got our diagnoses to not be able to eat all of those things. And some of them we've been able to tweak and some of them, some, some of the candy is naturally gluten free, but it is also full of refined sugars and things that aren't healthy for us. And so over time, we are trying to develop new recipes as Stacy said. And I'm also really trying to create new traditions that don't revolve around food. Um, but that one's tricky to do; it takes a little bit of time.

So, when you go to these holidays or, or, um, special occasions, um, even going out to eat sometimes, there are going to be people as Stacy said that do care that want to give you a treat, that want to cater to you and, and they have the best intentions. And I think it's so sweet. I'm always very touched when somebody goes out of their way. I have celiac, so when they go out of their way to get me some gluten free food. And, um, there are times where they are going to hand you something, whether it's gluten free or not that you know you just shouldn't be eating it.

And in, in the case, I remember that was the hardest for me. I had a dear friend who was a very talented cake decorator. We had a big social gathering at church. She decorated the most beautiful cake. Um, it was gluten free and she decorated it and then, you know, those who were gluten free had a slice, but she gave me the rest of the cake at the end of the night, and I thanked her, and then as soon as she walked out the door to go home, I threw the whole thing in the garbage, and it was hard to do, but I didn't need a whole cake, guys. Nobody needs a whole cake. Uh, even just because it's gluten free doesn't mean it's healthy for you. You know what I mean? So, don't let someone love you into being sick. Um, there are things that you are going to have to come to terms with, and one of those things is whether it is gluten free or not, it doesn't mean it is a good choice for me to eat it.

BECKY: You need to know when to say something and when to just accept it and say thank you, because similarly, I've had times where people didn't realize that I have a lot of dietary restrictions, because I can't have gluten. I can't have soy. I have a lot of different food allergies, and if somebody makes something and gives it to me, I usually say thank you very much, and I have plenty of people at my house who can eat things like that who love it when I bring it home. And so if they ask me later, I am able to honestly say, "You know what my husband and my son love that...my daughters love that." Whoever, whoever ate it that enjoyed it.

Um, obviously you want to make healthy choices easier for yourself, so the first thing you need to do is make sure you plan your meals, and I know you're gonna hear us say this, and I know it's hard when you're not feeling well to plan meals, it's very hard to physically cook healthy meals when you're tired, but if you plan them in advance, you can reduce your stress. Um, if you have a list when you go shopping and you know what you need to get, it reduces the stress of trying to decide what you're going to eat for the night or what you're going to have, you know, snacks or whatever during the day. It reduces the stress of that, but it also assures that you're going to have food there that is going to be healthy and is going to nourish you. So, take a few, few minutes every week and try to plan your meals and you'll be amazed what a difference it makes.

STACY: And as you do that, as you're prepping for your meals, if you do a few things in advance, so I always think about the fact that, um, when I cut up carrot sticks, I will usually cut up a couple of extra carrots and throw them into a bag or throw them into a clicky in the fridge because sometimes I don't have the energy it takes just to pull a carrot out and peel it.

I just think that sometimes that prep in advance helps. So if you wash and chop some stuff, if you cook in batches, you're going to save yourself some time and you're going to also encourage yourself to eat healthy, which is important because it's so easy when there's nothing good to go in the fridge to just go and buy something that is unhealthy.

ALYSIA: So, so true, or to reach for something that's just more convenient. So, um, the little quote that "failure to plan is planning to fail " really applies here when it comes to meal preparation and planning, you know, planning and preparing your food. And if you can afford a meal planning service, great. Go for it. There's so many good ones out there. Ones that will cater to all kinds of food sensitivities. If you can afford that great, go for it. But a lot of people just can't. And, um, you, I think anybody can use a...most of the grocery stores now have the shopping service where you can just pick up your groceries, order them online, pick them up, and it's no cost to do that. And that will stop you from making those impulse purchases. That will stop you from wandering down the chips and cracker aisle and just throwing things in your cart that are easy to, uh, to reach for when you're snacky. So that's a, that's a, just a quick and easy tip would be maybe to use, um, the curbside pickup.

BECKY: And find some recipes you love. Sometimes that's hard. You've, you've heard us in other episodes, talk about how don't be convinced when you're going, you know, when you're getting on these strict diets, when they tell you this takes tastes just like mom's, whatever, or grandma's old bread...

ALYSIA: Mm, Mm, no.

BECKY: ...or whatever it is like, no, it usually does not.

But there are certain things you will find that you really love that you have a new taste for. So, the perfect example for me was when I did the autoimmune protocol elimination diet. Um, my dietician gave me a recipe for cassava flour tortillas. And I had never really used cassava flour before. You can actually purchase them too, although they have a lot more [preservatives].

It's a very simple recipe. We'll try to provide a link for it. It was a recipe that I found that I tried, and I love, and amazingly um, my husband and son love it too, even though they don't have to eat gluten free. When I make that for a meal, I can make it for everyone because they actually like fresh, you know, homemade cassava tortillas better than they do like the flour tortillas from the grocery store. So find, find things you love and it makes a little easier.

Um, so we will have links in our blog, and we will also, for anybody that joins us on Patreon, we will provide some recipes that we've found that are ones that we love that are healthy.

STACY: It's important to remember that you shouldn't deprive yourself. If you are living such a strict diet that you, um, are causing yourself to be miserable all the time, that's a problem.

Occasional treats in moderation are fine, but you've got to focus on your healthy eating patterns guys. Here's something that we can promise you, if you start to eat healthy, and you start to get rid of all of the refined sugar and other things that are not healthy for you, you will start to feel better, and you will crave the bad stuff less. So, the way that I look at it is...I am an all or nothing person, sadly, with certain things. I have a slight addiction to sugar, and if I don't just get rid of it, I can't stop. So, you have to think, you have to take into account who you are, and the struggles that you might have, and then you have to just trust yourself to do what's best for you. But if you don't deprive yourself, there are ways that I can get what I need to be happy without eating sugar. I've found allulose and other things that I can replace that sugar with, so I can still occasionally have cookies or something yummy.

BECKY: Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. I have found that I like date sugars and monk fruit sugars. They're ones that are good substitutes that don't impact you the same way refined sugar does, because I'm also one of those people that occasionally...I recognize that if I don't make myself a treat (and I can still choose to make it healthy without refined sugar) but if I don't have a sweet treat occasionally, because I do have a sweet tooth, that I...that is actually one of the ways I set myself up for failure.

So, um allowing yourself a treat in moderation is not a bad thing, especially if you're choosing healthy alternatives for sweeteners.

ALYSIA: Yeah, I think that's so true because all of us we've discussed at length, um, in our off time, our sugar addictions, sugar is our drug of choice for all three of us. And, uh, we have, we are always fighting that battle to, um, allow ourselves a treat, but to keep it in moderation and to seek out things that are going to be a better choice as a treat.

When you go, if you really do go sugar free, um, you're going to find that fruits are just like candy to you. Even carrots are like candy. Peas are like candy. Like these, these produce that you just didn't think so highly of before is going to taste so sweet and delicious to you. So, and we, let's be honest, guys, we have diseases that cause chronic inflammation. And you do a little research. We don't have time to jump into it all right here today, but do a little research on what an anti inflammatory diet looks like. Food...there are so many inflammatory foods out there and they are just scattered throughout our standard American diet.

So, as you are looking for new and better ways to treat yourself, it's really fun to make it into a game. I did this with my kids last year and over the summertime, really, because that's when a lot of the produce is fresh and there's so many things in season. We would go to the farmer's market every week and we would try to find a new fruit or vegetable to try. Um, you can do that obviously in a store.

You can find a fun new store. I know there's lots of, um, there's lots of little mom and pop shops sometimes even, um, ethnic shops where you can get produce that you have never even seen or heard of before, and it's, it's fun. I think it's fun to go try something new. Let your kids get involved if you have kids at home. Um, because as I said, in my episode that my kids have my blood running through their veins, it's very likely that in their lifetime, they will deal with autoimmune issues. I want to set a good example and I want them to have a good idea of how to prepare healthy foods.

Find a fun restaurant that does like farm to table, challenge yourself to um, try something new, a new recipe every week, find a partner or a spouse, or an online friend that you can do that with, that you can say, "Hey," find, you know, "let's swap a new recipe this week."

I, again, as sisters, we have this awesome, um, support system between the three of us, where we have shared countless recipes with each other over the years. It's a lot of fun to be able to have somebody who has similar challenges to you, to be, to say, "Oh my gosh, you guys, at Thanksgiving, I had the best crust!" Stacy made this crust from pecans and for the pie. And, um, because we couldn't do, um, a glutinous crust and I'm telling you what, it was absolutely delicious. It was so amazing. So, start building your own repertoire of recipes. Start putting a cookbook together. Um, go through the ones you do have and really maybe eliminate the ones that aren't so helpful. I had to do that.

I had to get rid of some that were all about, you know, baking and cupcakes and, you know, cake stuff. I, I just gave them away. I just donated them. They, I'm not going to be making that stuff anymore. Um, build your own. You over the, over time, you will just start getting so many amazing recipes.

And I promise. what seems daunting right now will just get easier and easier every day, every week, every year. And then, I mean, years down the road, you're not even, it's not even going to be a thing. You're not even going to think twice about it because it's so, it's so easy for you at that point, but I know it's not right now, but it will get better.

BECKY: Yes, and keep in mind as you're doing all of this, um, the importance of gut health in, in relation to eating a healthy diet. And so you're going to want to incorporate things, a lot of the gut friendly foods, things that are fermented, um, foods like yogurt. If you haven't tried fermented vegetables a lot of people have had like, you know maybe one or two kind of fermented things.

There's a lot of...you can actually home ferment. There's a lot of great websites that show you how easy that is. This...I would put a cautionary one on this anybody who's having issues with their kidneys because of their autoimmune disease should really talk to their doctor before doing that because fermented vegetables are very high in salt, so that's probably not the best choice for people having issues with your kidneys, but as far as gut health goes, fermented foods, yogurts, things like that are excellent.

If you are somebody who has a problem with certain gut friendly foods, um, talk to your doctor or if you have a dietitian, one of your health care providers, about what would be the best choices for you that would be gut friendly foods for you.

STACY: Because there a lot of options. You just need to look into them and make sure it's something that appeals to you. But also, be gutsy and be willing to try something new sometimes.

Now, we understand that in life there are, is a lot of stress. We have a lot of reasons to be stressed out, and we need to remember that stress worsens autoimmune symptoms; it makes things worse. So we have to practice stress reduction techniques like meditation or yoga, but when it comes to food, what we need to think about is that if we're putting in really crappy food, like those comfort foods, we all have those comfort foods, those things we love to go to, if they're going to worsen our symptoms, we're just taking a problem and throwing more junk on top of that problem and increasing the issues within our body. So, one of the things we really encourage you to do is to find something that is a healthy comfort food, something that can be your go to.

For me, that is chamomile tea with a little bit of cocoa stirred into it. Just enough to give it that chocolate zing. And it doesn't give me too much sugar to cause the inflammation to be worse, but it gives me something that tastes delicious. It's delicious, and it's delightful, and it's warm, and it's comforting. And in the summer when it's too hot, Instead, I go and get those Italian ices that are, um, they have stevia in them to sweeten them and they're just ice and fruit and a little bit of sugar free sweetener. And that gives me that sweet that I need to be comforted, because that's, for me, comforting. For some people, you might be comforted by a bowl of macaroni and cheese. I don't know what your jam is, but what I do know is this: there are healthier ways to do stress than we tend to do, so try and find a way that you can bring yourself out of the going to the worst possible option when you're stressed, because our bodies can't handle it.

ALYSIA: Yeah, it's like putting gasoline on a fire. If you're already in a flare, you're already stressed and then you start munching on junk food, it is just pouring gasoline onto a fire. It's not the right way to go. And I, again, we know easier said than done, but, uh, you are going to find you're going to feel a whole lot better if you make better choices about what you're putting into your body.

And as long, uh, what Stacy was saying along the lines of the ice drinks, um, stay hydrated. Stay hydrated. We can't emphasize this enough. Um, be careful about what you're choosing to put in your body for hydration. Um, be careful for artificial sweeteners. Uh, I have been strongly addicted to Diet Coke for, oh, well over a decade.

And, um, I really just learned last year how truly detrimental artificial sweeteners are to your gut health. I didn't know it was, I didn't know. I thought I was like, you know, I'm just doing this. It doesn't have any calories. It's a better choice than sugar. You know, it's, that's just not the case guys. I hate to break it to you.

We can't get too into that, but if you're a diet soda lover like me, good luck. Good luck. But I will tell you this recently, my body has decided. It doesn't even taste good anymore. It's gotten to that point where I can't even, I mean, my husband brought me a diet Coke yesterday, and I took two or three swallows, and I just said, "I don't want that. That is, that makes me feel gross." And I'm really happy to be at that point where my body actually rejects it and I don't have to do the hard work of saying to myself, "I don't need this. I don't need this." Now my body does that for me, but stay hydrated. There are lots of good things that you can drink. Lots of healthy teas. Obviously, alcohol is not going to hydrate you. It is going to dehydrate you and it's going to cause worse inflammation. So stay away from that.

Um, there are a lot of things you can do with your water. You can infuse it with different, um, fruits, different herbs. I love, um, Well, what's it called? Sassy water. And it's got, you know, it's got cucumber and it's got mint and it's got ginger and it's got lemon. It is very refreshing and it's super easy to make. You can do all kinds of things with that. When I was in Mexico, they had, um, melon water, which I thought was very strange, but it was delightful. And it really was just pureed melon put in water and it was just slightly sweet and so, so yummy on a hot day. Um, and as Stacy said, there's, there's the teas for the cold days. There's all kinds of things you can use to stay hydrated. Um, Spindrift is my favorite bubbly water. If you're into bubbly water. That one's really good. It doesn't have any funky flavorings in it. Like some of the LaCroix's and bubbly's that have those really weird artificial flavors. Spin Drift is just, um, fruit juice in carbonated water. Very simple, but delicious. So, um, Maybe it's just cause we grew up in the desert, and we were always told the importance of staying hydrated, but that's constantly in my mind.

I've got my water bottle right here. I carry my big old mug of water with me everywhere I go. My kids know it. Yep. Stacy's showing me hers right here. Should we all have, we all have our, our, uh, different ways we like to stay hydrated. So...

BECKY: And along with some of the fun ideas that Alysia was talking about with, I ....fun ways to stay hydrated, if you get a dietician or a functional medicine doctor that is there to help you and is on board, they will also help provide you with some really great recipes. We talked a little bit about recipes before but if you have access and can afford, or your insurance covers a dietician or functional medicine doctor, I highly recommend that. I know for myself when I was going through, as like I mentioned, my elimination diet, um my dietician and my functional medicine doctor they were working as a team and they were instrumental in getting me a ton of really great recipes. Everything from drinks to salads to, you know, main dishes and desserts, the whole, the whole thing.

And they were wonderful and listened to my input. And they didn't try to force me to eat things I genuinely didn't like. They would challenge me to try things that I had not previously tried, and I did and some of them I loved, and I'll be honest, there were some of them I was not so fond of, but when I would go back and tell my dietitian, "You know, I really genuinely hated this. It tasted nasty to me. "Then she'd be like, "Okay," and she actually used that as a tool to be like, "okay, if this is something you really, really didn't like, then let's try this instead. " And it's very helpful to have that. If you cannot afford that, there are so many online resources. Look up for whatever kind of diet you're trying to find, whether it's gluten free, whether it's Mediterranean, paleo, look up recipes. There are so many foodies out there that love to do that. And there are so many great recipes that you can find.

ALYSIA: Now is the time to get adventurous, right? Get adventurous about your food, make it a game, try new stuff. You're going to find things you love that you didn't even know existed, I promise.

STACY: And you just have to be patient and find out what works for you, because as you experiment and you find the sustainable diet that's right for you, and as you go to your doctor and your nutritionist, if you can, then they're going to help you things, find things that fit your needs and your preferences, and you will find that as you begin to feel better because you are treating your body the way it deserves to be treated, it's...you won't miss all the things that you thought you would miss that will become a distant memory, because you will feel so much better. And so just trust in the process, be patient and you'll find out what works for you. And then you'll be able to progress and feel excited about life again.

ALYSIA: Yeah, diet is a very powerful tool. And all three of us have said of all of the Big Six, and of all of anything we've tried, including medications, nothing has come close to what diet can do for how you feel.

There is just nothing else that you can do that's going to have such a massive and noticeable impact. You're going to, you're going to see a difference. You're going to, um, and if you are struggling with that, I would suggest getting into a gastroenterologist if you are not seeing a difference, even if you are seeing a difference, get into a gastroenterologist.

I really think personally, I would recommend anybody who has autoimmune issues be seeing a gastroenterologist. Get tested for SIBO, get tested for food intolerances, get tested for funky infections in your gut, all the things. Um, because when you can figure all that out, get that ironed out and get yourself into a regular healthy diet, you're going to feel so much better.

It's going to get to a point where you don't want to eat that other stuff. If you know how it makes you feel. You're not going to have the same level of temptation you have now if you can just create these healthy habits, right?

BECKY: And I think all of us have seen the little plaques or the slogans online that say "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Guys, that's not what this is about. Skinny is not what it's about. I mean, it's great if you can lose weight when you want to lose weight, wonderful. But the point here is nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. The idea here is to be healthy and we hope that you'll remember that, because that's the key thing we hope that you can take from these last two podcasts is why we feel like diet is so important.

ALYSIA: Yeah, it's important to remember that this is a lifelong journey, as we've talked about, you're going to be constantly climbing that mountain, your body is always going to have these needs for a healthy diet, um, the healthier you are, the happier you're going to be, and if you can start developing these healthy habits now, it's just, as I said, it's just going to get easier and easier.

STACY: Please join us next week when we are going to discuss another one of our big six, detoxing. We will discuss how caring for our liver and kidneys can seriously help our overall health. People with autoimmunity have to take good care of their liver and kidneys.

Remember that we love to hear your comments and questions. Please go follow us on autoimmuneadventures. com and don't forget to like and subscribe.

HELPFUL LINKS:

Easy Cassava Flour Tortilla Recipe: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/271093/cassava-flour-tortillas/

Video on Fermenting Foods for beginners: https://youtu.be/iiNl0Jv6xTw?si=IdDRT8gROOtWg2iJ