Alopecia Awareness Month: The Power of a Limitless Mindset with Kellie Rhymes - S2 E19

Becky Miller:  Welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures. I'm Becky and I'm here with my sisters, Stacy and Alysia, and we are excited to be joined by the amazing Kellie Rhymes. Kellie is a woman's hair loss support and authenticity coach, an advocate with the Scarring Alopecia Foundation, founder of Limitless Mindset Coaching, and the host and producer of the Bougie Baldie podcast and show. She's also competing in the 2025 Bald and Beautiful contest. And Kellie has taken her own journey with alopecia and turned it into a mission of empowerment, resilience, and authenticity for women everywhere. Welcome to our podcast.

Kellie Rhymes:  Hello everyone, and thank you for having me.

Alysia Thomas:  We love having you on. So, Kellie, could you start by sharing a little bit about your personal journey with alopecia, and how it shaped your mission to support women that are experiencing hair loss as well?

Kellie Rhymes:  Sure. Sure. Uh, so really I started noticing my hair loss in my late 20s. Now I know it had been occurring before then, but of course, you know, we don't pay attention. And I had what we call locks or dreadlocks at the time. So I was just constantly getting my hair twisted, not really noticing any loss um, because I guess it was just being twisted back up in the lock until one day the person who was styling my hair saw like a little bitty ball spot and we were like, "What is this?" So we were like, let's just pay attention to it. But that spot continued to grow. It spread wider and wider. So it was at like the crown of my head, which is typically where scarring alopecia starts. Um, in particular, what we call CCCA, that's the form of alop... a form of scarring alopecia. It starts at the crown of your head and it spreads outwards.

Um, during that time, I did not go to the doctor. I was just in denial like, okay, you know what? I can fix this. Let me maybe I'm pulling my hair too tight, so let me cut the locks off. Maybe I need to use some certain oils. Maybe it's, you know, things that I was doing to affect my hair that I thought, Oh, I maybe I'm just doing something wrong that's causing my hair to come out, so let me just try to fix it. Well, of course, I went down the rabbit hole. Went down YouTube University trying to figure out and try all these different things that did not work. And it took a while before I even went to a dermatologist to actually find out like, okay, what's going on? Because after a while of seeing, okay, nothing's working. Okay, now I need to know what is actually happening. So when I went to the dermatologist, basically he wasn't a lot of help. He pretty much looked at me and was like, "Oh yeah, I've seen this before. You have scarring alopecia. There's nothing you can really do about it."

Well, back then I just left the office like kind of like devastated, kind of like, okay, well, I guess I just got to keep covering this up because I was wearing wigs at that point, because it had gotten so bad. Uh, I guess I just have to keep covering it up. And I just went about my way. Now, it wasn't until I actually got into the coaching and all of the things I do now to where I found out that there are things I could have done. There are some things that I could have not necessarily gotten my hair back, but it could have stopped the hair loss, but it was, you know, a little too late. Uh, I spent oh, so many years. So many years just covering it up. Uh, one time I had to shave my hair off bald and that was because I got a hairstyle and it caused my hair just to completely come out. Um, all around the top. I had hair just like around the sides, but it was kind of missing on the edges. It was a mess.

Kellie Rhymes:  So, I, I cut it off, but I wasn't prepared to cut it off. I wasn't prepared to be a woman that's bald walking around this world. So, I was super... super, super uh insecure. I felt like I looked like a man. I felt like I looked ugly. Like, I just did not feel good at all. Even though my people around me, my friends and family, they were like, "You should have been done this. You look good." And yada, yada, yada, I didn't feel good. So, eventually, I just went back to the wigs. I let my hair grow back with the hair that would grow back. I let it grow back, and I just kept covering it up and like hiding it for several more years until I got to the point to where I got tired. And I was like, I am so tired of covering it up, being self-conscious, wondering if people, you know, think I know this is a wig or if they think it looks crazy or whatever it was. I was always just super insecure out in public with the wig on or not. So, I was like, I'm just ready to be myself. I'm just ready to just be me, not worry about it. Because I've never been the type of person that has been like vain and always worried about what I look like. So, for me to become that person, I was like, I don't feel good this way. I don't like it. Uh, that's when I made the decision to just embrace it. I know my hair isn't coming back. And I just cut it on off and I got what they call micropigmentation.

So, if for people who don't know what that is, micropigmentation is basically, think of it as a tattoo and they kind of take a little really micro needle and they kind of tattoo dots that look like hair follicles all over your head or it could be just in the missing spots where you have hair loss. I had mines done all over my head. That's what gave me the confidence to walk out as a bald woman because at least I was like well you know it looks like I just cut my hair off like I have a low fade or you know something like that. I'm not completely bald. It doesn't look that way but, even though I am, and that's what boosted me. That's what allowed me to step out move forward and just be this way. And I've been wearing my hair or head, I should say, not hair - my head like this since 2000... I want to say 18. Yeah, that's when I got it done. And I haven't really worn too many wigs since. And at this point, I've actually thrown my wigs away. So, I don't have any at all at this point.

Becky Miller:  That's great.

Alysia Thomas:  I love it.

Stacy Griffin:  I, I love that so much. Um, I think that a lot of women, especially with alopecia, struggle with self-confidence, struggle with that feeling of people are going to think I look different, or whatever the case may be. And all of my friends that I've ever had with alopecia, this has been a struggle. So, I'm just so happy. It's empowering to hear someone say, "I am going to be me. I'm going to accept myself and I'm going to love myself the way I am." and that's so beautiful. So, thank you for sharing that.

Kellie Rhymes:  You're welcome.

Stacy Griffin:  Um, I think that you've kind of already shared some of your biggest challenges, but were there other challenges that you were experiencing that made the situation more difficult, or do you see this as a source of power rather than limitation?

Kellie Rhymes:  Well, initially there were some more challenges because people will always have something to say or they're just not sensitive. Uh people when you when they see a woman with a bald head, they automatically think she's sick and it's not necessarily the case. I was healthy. I just my hair was just coming out. So just dealing with what people may say, whether they knew me or not, you know, knew me personally or not, that was a challenge sometimes. Not to say that I had a lot of negative comments thrown towards me, but there were some. And when you're not prepared and you're not confident, those can really be a dagger, you know, those can really really make you feel a certain type of way. Uh, so that's kind of part of the reason why I kind of do the work I do, kind of uplifting people's confidence and making them feel empowered to speak up for themselves if someone does say something negative towards them so that they can come back at them. Not to say they have to come back at them in a mean way, but stand up for themselves and say, "Hold on. No, actually, you know, this is what's going on. Not that it's your business, but you should not say those type of things to women or what, whomever, you know, you don't judge a book by its cover." We all know that.

So, yeah, there were definitely some those were the type of challenges um, outside of me just kind of having to build myself up and gain the confidence to walk out and be okay with the bald head.

Becky Miller:  Like you said you started and you had to work on your own confidence after you you did that and you felt comfortable in your own skin I guess what inspired you to take that public role of being an advocate for other people?

Kellie Rhymes: All right. So, this was not something that I immediately did. It took several more years. And, you know, I always had a little voice in my head that kept saying, you know, you need to talk about this. And I was like, uh, no, I'm not sharing my story. No, I'm not getting online to all these strangers and talking about what have I, I've experienced. Um, and I was actually coaching in a whole another space. I was coaching in real estate investing, and I was just like getting I was okay with doing that, but it wasn't fulfilling me. You know, how you do something, you're just doing it because you have the skill, and you have the knowledge, but was I making a difference or did I didn't feel like I was really really making um the world a better place. like, yeah, I was helping people, but I wasn't really making the world a better place, and there was more that I needed to do. 

So, when I actually stopped coaching in the real estate space, I was like, "Okay, well, what do I do now?" And this is when I had to kind of talk to the higher power like, "Okay, I don't know what's going to happen. Don't know what I'm supposed to be doing." And that's when it hit me very, very strongly once again. You need to be talking about your hair loss. So, at that point, I was like, "Okay, let me just do it." You know, it's that intuition is... it's strong. So, let me just do it. I don't know how I'm going to do this or what I'm going to do, but I'll just start doing it. And that's how Limitless Mindset Coaching was kind of really created. It was to really uplift women who are experiencing hair loss, letting them know that they are not alone. And even the company is still like transitioning because that was my initial thought. I'm just going to talk. I'm just going to get online. We're just going to talk about it. You know, help women out. go through, you know, create a program, all of those things.

But I started a pod... my podcast. And that's when I realized, okay, it's a lot of people who have stories out here, you know, and I realized that I enjoy putting other people's stories out there as well as my story. I mean, I can only say my story one time. And there's so many different ways that people can lose their hair. So many forms of alopecia. Like, so every woman has a different story. And on top of that, people have created businesses from these, this journey of hair loss. So if these businesses are helping other women out there who are experiencing this, let me make sure that I showcase that. So that's the podcast and that's the company. And then the podcast from that went to the show. And the show isn't out yet, but we just recorded it in August, but the theme is really uplifting women.  

Kellie Rhymes:  I want you to hear real stories from re real women and it's a lot of panel um episodes where we have four or five women on there just really really giving you real talk about what we've experienced. So,that's to give you a gist of how this has all led me down different pathways.

Alysia Thomas:  I love it. I love hearing that. I love your story. I love your background and I love your I don't know your transition, the stages that you go through to get to where you are because we all we had to do the same thing with our stories and to get where we are. And, and so I love that you get to a point like Becky said where you're comfortable in your own skin again. And that's when you can not only advocate for yourself, but when you have the bravery to speak up and those other people see that, and they hear that, and it empowers them because and maybe that's what they they...

Kellie Rhymes:  Yes, exactly.

Alysia Thomas:  ...just needed to hear somebody else's experiencing the same thing, you know, and it gives them strength. It gives them courage. it gives them that that boost they need to go see a doctor or to, you know, figure out what might be going on uh, aside from the hair loss. You know, there's so much that goes into it. So, I think you're doing God's work, personally.

Kellie Rhymes:  Thank you.

Alysia Thomas:  Um, but you also lead a CCCA support group with the Scarring Alopecia Foundation. Can you tell us what that community looks like and why that is so important to you?

Kellie Rhymes:  Yes. So, um, as I explained kind of earlier, CCCA is the form of alopecia that I have and it predominantly affects African-American women. Uh, so when I saw that the Scar, Scarring Alopecia Foundation had a support group, they didn't have a leader at the time. And so I'm like, well, heck, this is what I'm out here to do, right? So I might as well jump in there. I have CCCA, so let me just become the leader. And that's how it all happened.

Um, now the group isn't all African-American. We meet uh, the second Wednesday of every month online. So this is all virtual. So women from all over the country. We've even had some women from Europe uh attend the, the meeting even though there is another meeting for people in Europe, they still come. So it doesn't matter whoever wants to come. Um, and it's just a a variety of women whether they have they some women don't even have CCCA. Some have what we call FFA um, which is another form of scarring alopecia. These are all acronyms. Don't ask me to tell you the exact medical terms because I will mess it up. But the point is it's still scarring alopecia.

Kellie Rhymes: So it's really women getting together to talk about, hey, you know, the doctor prescribed me this medication. Has, has anyone had any experience with this? How did it work for you? Or I'm experiencing extreme uh, extreme amount of itching. What do you guys use to calm that down? Or you know, just different questions. So if people have a question, they throw it out. Anybody on the call can answer the question because of course I don't have experience with all of these different things. I didn't even take medication or any of that. So I can't speak to the the part of, "oh yeah I tried or I was prescribed metformin for hair."

Now I thought metformin was just a diabetes drug I mean medication but they use it for for hair you know to regrow your hair. So I learned things on the call as well because people are talking about what has been prescribed. Now the other part of it is if there are women who are struggling, there are women who are definitely just finding out they they have um scarring alopecia or you know they are still in that phase of being insecure and just really emotionally and mentally struggling, we're here to uplift them. You know we if a woman says that they are having a struggle, we jump in. we, you know, try to give them encouraging words, try to share our experiences, try to give them, you know, um, boost their self-love basically because that's what it ultimately has to come down to. You have to love yourself more than you love anything else because that's what's going to give you that boost to go to the next level to say, "Okay, well, I'm going to wear this wig and I'm going to be comfortable wearing a wig," or "I'm going to shave it off and I'm going to be comfortable shaving it off and be okay with that." So, that's really what the group is.

It's usually about an hour to an hour and a half uh the second Wednesday of the month. If you go to the Scarring Alopecia Foundation's website, you can just sign up for it. They have several support groups. So if you have CCCA, you can sign up for Minds. If you have FFA, you can sign up for another one. So or any other type of scoring alopecia, you just sign up for it and you just attend. It's that simple.

Stacy Griffin: I love that there are support groups. A couple of weeks ago, we had someone come on and talk about the importance of support because we all experience grief. We're, what, regardless of what um chronic illness or autoimmune disease we have, there's a grief associated because we're losing something, something that we were used to being having in our lives and it's no longer there. And so as we experience that loss, that's a kind of grief. And so support is so important. So thank you for doing that. Thank you for being one of those brave souls that stands up and says, "We can't do this alone, so let's do this together." I really appreciate that.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yes. And and I wish I had something like this when I was really going through my journey, you know, when I was going through this. I didn't I couldn't find anything. I didn't know what to do. I had to figure it all out on my own. So, yes, that support from other people's is a big game changer.

Stacy Griffin:  Yeah, it is. Um, so shifting gears just slightly, but in that same vein, you call yourself a woman's hair loss support and authenticity coach. What does that mean in practice? How do you guide women through this deeply personal experience?

Kellie Rhymes:  So, okay, just because I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels when you're losing your hair. I was like, "Oh, like let me let me just create a program and walk people through kind of what I went through as far as boosting myself up." So, what that looks like is basically you're coming to me because you're ready. You're ready to be you. you're ready to stop hiding it, right? Um, and if you're not, you know, even if you aren't ready to stop wearing a wig, you can still wear a wig, but you still are comfortable talking about what's going on with yourself, right?

So, it's just that initial call of, okay, what's happening with you? Do you know what's causing your hair loss? Have you been to a dermatologist? If you've been to to a dermatologist, what was your experience? Because all dermatologists don't know about hair loss. Just because they are a dermatologist, they don't they may not specialize in hair loss and know exactly what's going on with you and your hair. So, you may have to find another dermatologist. You may have to go through several. Sometimes I've heard of women having to go out of their city or out of the state to go to a dermatologist that specializes in hair loss. So, kind of getting an understanding and that foundation first.

Do you know what's happening with you? Okay. And once you know that, what are they telling you to do? what is your treatment plan? And then also helping them understand that yes, you may be given a treatment plan, but that doesn't mean it's going to work. Dermatologists will give your treatment plan according to what has worked for other people, but everyone is different and it may not work for you. If it doesn't work for you, then you may need to switch to another treatment plan. You have to also be patient because being on these treatment plans, you have to be on it at least six months to see if it's going to work for you.  

So kind of really walking them through what to expect. Setting those great expectations, because that's another problem. A lot of doctors don't set the expectation to so that people can are aware like okay I know I'm going to have to try this six months. It may work. It may not work. I may have to spend more money on something. Like you have to set the expectation because if you don't and a woman thinks oh I'm taking this medication and it's supposed to be doing this, but it's not working. That's going to put her back down. So, I'm there to really be like, "Okay, breathe. Give yourself grace. Understand this is what to expect." Then also go into the next step of, "Okay, now that we know all of that, you're on your treatment plan. What do you want to do? What's going to make you feel comfortable?" Okay, so is it going to be wearing head wraps? Do you want to do that? Do you want to wear a wig? If you want to wear a wig, okay, well, let's find you a good wig. Let's connect you to uh a professional that makes wigs and get a custom wig made for you so that you feel better and it looks more natural and potentially your insurance may cover it.

So talking to women about that because people just don't know. They just don't know. Um if you want to shave it off, okay, all right. Well, let's get you built up. Are you ready to shave it off? If you shave it off, how are you going to feel? So just kind of walking them through the different steps until they get to that point to where they feel good about themselves. they feel confident regardless of what decisions they make, they're okay and they know that they have to move forward because my thing is life is still happening. Life is still going on. You're still on this earth. You still have work to do.  

Kellie Rhymes: So, we cannot let this hair loss hold us back. We can't do that. So, we have to deal with it, move forward, embrace it if it's not coming back because in some cases it will come back. So, let's embrace what's going on, understand what's going on, and let's move forward so that you could be fulfilled and happy.

Becky Miller: That's great. Do you have any um, strategies that you could share that maybe would help women who are trying to balance that experience of hair loss and they're balancing their careers and their families and their social lives and all the things? Um are there a couple of strategies that you would recommend?

Kellie Rhymes: My first thing is don't hide it. Like even if you don't show it, at least talk to your close people, your support system. At least talk to them about what's going on. They may not always understand, but as you get educated, you can educate them like, "Oh, this is what's going on. This is what I've learned. you know this is what the doctors told me."  

So starting there will help you because then you have those people around you who are going to be your cheerleaders there. When those days when you don't feel that great or you know you can't figure out what to do, you have to go to work and your hair is a mess and you don't know what to do. Those are going to be the people who say, "Okay, calm down. Let's figure it out." And maybe, you know, give you some suggestions and ideas. So start there first, right?

Um, the other thing I would say is if you have extreme hair loss where it's like patchy where you know you really can't maybe put it in a ponytail and cover it up or you know disguise it, just make, just have a good wig on hand. I know everybody doesn't want to wear a wig. you're not maybe not comfortable wearing a wig, but have a good wig or a good head wrap, something to cover it up so that you're not stressed out in the mornings when you are trying to get ready for work, and and you're running late and you got to get kids out the door.  

Kellie Rhymes: At least you can grab something to put on your head to make you feel okay and feel good. Um, now I know back in the day when I was in corporate America, it wasn't uh the thing to do to put like a head wrap on or a head scarf. Things are a little bit more lax now. Not to say that it's totally accepted everywhere, but you know, now people work from home. You know, more hairstyles and different ways of wearing your head is more acceptable. So, feel comfortable about that. If, if it's a need, just put something on your head just to make sure you can go ahead move forward and go with your day and deal with it later. Maybe you get home from work and you're like, "Okay, now I have to figure out what do I want to do tomorrow?" But you have time to sit down, breathe, and be like, "Okay, this is what I'll do." And have a plan. Okay. So, those would be a few things, I guess, maybe the top two things that I would suggest.  

Alysia Thomas:  Such good advice. Oh my gosh. Like you don't want it to just derail your day, you know...

Kellie Rhymes:  Right.

Alysia Thomas:  ... and so you prepare yourself for it. Just be prepared. I love that. I, I don't have hair... Well, I have experienced hair loss. I'm currently on a supplement and I have a whole other half of a head of hair growing in right now, which is a it's great, but it's a little wild.

Kellie Rhymes: Okay.

Alysia Thomas: But I love hats. I love hats.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yep.

Alysia Thomas:  So, I have a cute little hat collection. I have my favorite ones and when I'm having a bad hair day or I don't want to wash my hair or whatever, I, I can throw a hat on.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yeah.

Alysia Thomas:  So, I love that. And I love that our society is becoming more cool with having head wraps, big headbands, bandanas, bandanas, you know, all all the things. I think it's fun to have choices like that. I love it. So, um yeah.

Kellie Rhymes:  Definitely. And also just one thing before you move forward, talk to your boss. If you're working somewhere and you have to go in the office, talk to your manager about what's happening with you so they know how to support you at work.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah.

Kellie Rhymes:  Because if nobody knows, they're just going to look at you like you're crazy. So just at least let your manager know. You don't have to let all your co-workers know, but at least let your manager know so that they can be there to support you if anything happens while you're at work. Okay, that's all I wanted to say.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah...

Becky Miller:  No, I think it's I I was going to say I think that's a great idea because I know it's not the same thing, but when I was going through cancer and I was bald, it was the middle of Texas summer, so it was miserable hot and I didn't want to wear a wig because it was so so hot.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.  

Becky Miller:  And so I did I talked to my manager and like you said there was that kind of time where maybe a scarf wasn't as acceptable, and I was working in corporate America, and I just said, "Listen, going through cancer. I'll get some nice like office appropriate scarves, but can I just do this instead?" And she was totally supportive and it was fine but uh, yeah, because I found that it was hot enough like you said you just get sick of wearing a wig, and I was like it's, it's Texas summer. I'm going out bald. I don't care what anyone says, you know? I'm just doing it.

Alysia Thomas:  Yes.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yeah.

Alysia Thomas:  Well, women are more than their hair. Like, we are more than our hair. It's just not that deep. It's just aesthetic. And I think our culture like makes a much bigger deal of of it than they need to. Like, you have to have it here, but you can't have your hair here. You can't, we don't want it on your legs and we don't want it on your armpits, and, but you know, it's, it's ridiculous.

Kellie Rhymes:  Right.

Alysia Thomas:  It's ridiculous standards of beauty in our country anyway. So, in our culture, but um it it does take a certain amount of vulnerability to speak up. I love what you were talking about. It sounds like um you are you are exactly along the same lines as us. We are also creating an advocacy course right now, and um, you, you've touched on all the same things like it's got to start with self-love and you've got to be self-love has to be the base. It has to be the foundation, and then from there you can start speaking up about it.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yeah.

Alysia Thomas:  And it's really scary to be vulnerable about stuff like that with people. You don't know how they're going to take it.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yeah.

Alysia Thomas:  You don't know how co-workers or bosses or managers or, you know, you don't know how people are going to take it. So, it's scary to be vulnerable, but that really is part of advocacy. You know, it's really part of it is speaking up for yourself.

So, um, switching gears a little bit again, your coaching business is called Limitless Mindset Coaching, which we absolutely love that name. So, good. Um, what does that mean to you? What does having a Limitless Mindset mean to you?

Kellie Rhymes:  So, limitless mindset is really life in general. It's not just the hair loss piece. It's knowing that you can do anything you want to do in life. And that's really has that has been my motto really u,h throughout my whole life. I'm that person who hey this is what I want to do. I want to move to China. How do I move to China? Okay, I'm going to get a teaching job. Okay, this is how I'm moving to China and can support myself. Like that was me. I've done that. So I noticed that so many people are just in a box. So many people don't even leave leave their neighborhoods, leave their cities, and they just don't know what the world has to offer.

So limitless mindset is just really showing you that you can put your mind to anything, anything you want to do. Put it out there. Work towards it. You can achieve it. There's ways to receive and get anything you want in this world. It's just a pathway you need to go down to get it. And believing in yourself, knowing that you can do it. And if those moments of fear come in, because people always think, "Oh, you're not afraid of anything. They always say this to me because I do so many different things." And I'm like, "No, not true. I am afraid of things, but when I'm afraid of something, that means I have to do it because I cannot allow that fear to hold me back from doing something that I've always dreamed of doing or something I'm even supposed to be doing that's meant for me to do.  

Kellie Rhymes:  So, I have to push myself forward to do it." And that's how we get out of our comfort zones and achieve great things. So, limitless mindset is all of those things. I know I focus on hair loss and women because that's my journey. That's what I can relate to and that's where I feel like there's a need. But it applies to anyone, all factors of life.

Stacy Griffin:  I love that so much. That just that brings me deep joy because I I think that sometimes when we have disease or we have challenges, we let that be an excuse to stop living an amazing life. And it doesn't have to be.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.

Stacy Griffin:  It doesn't have to be an excuse. And I love your authenticity. And that's why I want to talk about authenticity for a second with you because my question is this. How do you define authenticity? And how can women live more fully in it? whether or not they're experiencing alopecia. Just in general, how do you think we can be more authentic in our womanhood and in our forward momentum?  

Kellie Rhymes:  I would say as far as the authenticity piece, you have to adopt the attitude of I don't care what you think. that you know you really do have to adopt that because it's your life. You're the one going through this and experiencing this life. So you have to step into it uh in a in a way to say, "Hey, this is who I am. This is what I want to do. This is what I believe. This is what I stand for." And you stand on that. I feel like as long as you're doing things that aren't harming yourself or other people, you have the right to do that. Okay? If it brings you joy, it brings you happiness, you have the right to have that in your life.

You also have the right to speak up for yourself and say what is you know what you want and don't want and stand on that and people have to deal with that. You know what I mean? Like just because you don't like my decision or what I have to say, if I'm not harming you or being mean to you any kind of way, hey, it is what it is. And I know some people get offended or, you know, they get mad. A lot of times people get so touchy about things nowadays, but that's not necessarily your problem. That's their problem. You know, there's something with them that they're that's, that's having an issue with how you are representing yourself. So authenticity is just standing on who you are.

Kellie Rhymes: If I like to travel, which I do, if I like to travel and I want to bounce around to five different countries in one year, that's what I'm going to do. And if I want to take my kids with me, that's what we're going to do. Because my attitude is, I don't care what you think. If I feel comfortable, if I pay my bills, no one else does. You can't tell me anything. All right? I'm going to do what makes me happy. So, that's what it is. Standing in what makes you happy, who you are, speaking up, and just being confident on on top of that, because that's a big part of it, being confident in it. You can't sit here and be like, "Yeah, I'm authentic." And then you shy away from certain things. No. If you like something and if somebody else doesn't like it, hey, that's on them. You enjoy it, so go do it. So there you go.

Becky Miller: I love that. I have mentioned it a little bit before, and I know it is different, obviously, than alopecia, and I totally want to honor that difference, but when I went through breast cancer and I lost my hair, I remember thinking, thinking, I remember thinking I didn't have control over the fact that I had cancer, but I was going to have at least whatever control I could about how I lost my hair. So, um, when I went for my, shortly after I went for my biopsy, um, I knew I had cancer and so I was like, I had very long hair at the time, and I was like, okay, I'm going to cut it off to my shoulders and if by some miracle the biopsy comes back negative, which I was really thinking it was not going to, but I was like, but if it does, then I will just have a nice, you know, spring summer cut thing going on.

And then when I found out that I did have cancer, and I was going to have to go through chemotherapy, I went and did like a kind of a boy pixie cut and and brought it up a notch and kind of did it gradually. And uh, my sister Stacy was there and bless her, she was poor, probably more emotional about it than I was.

Stacy Griffin:  I was, I still, I still tear up thinking about this experience.

Becky Miller:  But, but about, you know, a week or two into my first chemotherapy was when I started to lose hair. And I don't know if it's the same with alopecia, but something that they don't, you know, show in the movies or whatever when they're talking about it, I know when you have chemotherapy, it actually hurts to lose your hair. It's uncomfortable.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.

Becky Miller:  And um and I woke up one morning and saw hair on my pillow and saw how much was coming out and how uncomfortable it was. And I just told Stacy, "I'm shaving my head today. I'm not even going to wait for it all to come out. I'm just shaving it." And and I found that even though it was an emotional experience, I was able to handle it so much better, because I kind of I empowered myself by choosing how, how I was going to lose my hair, if that makes sense.  

Kellie Rhymes:  Yes.

Becky Miller:  And so, um, I know that it's a different because when you have cancer, you kind of always have in the back of your hair, at the back of your mind that your hair is going to grow back. That said, from your perspective, what are some of the similarities and differences between hair loss due to alopecia and hair loss from something like chemotherapy?

Kellie Rhymes: Well, okay. So, kind of goes back to there's so many different ways you can lose your hair. There are some women who have forms of alopecia where they may have a head of hair and wake up and the hair is on the pillow, like you just explained, like and it just happens out of the blue, you know, and then it may grow back and then it comes out again. So, you know, you have that. Now, with scarring alopecia, it does hurt. Um, our scalps get inflamed and when it gets inflamed, it gets really tender. You get the itching. Um, you have some women who have extreme, like it it seems like it's extreme dandruff and it's very very irritating and itchy. So, like a lot of different symptoms come from hair loss.

Uh, so to your point of making the decision uh, to cut it off or you know having taken that power, I would say with alopecia it depends on the woman whether or not they take that power and just say you know what I'm just going to cut it off. Uh, it does not usually happen immediately. I've only spoken to one woman who experienced hair loss where her her hair just fell out within like a couple days and she was the only person I've spoke to who who just said, "You know what? I just shaved it off, and I that was just it, you know, like immediately that was her decision." So, it depends. It depends on the person. We talked about it earlier. Your hair is your identity. So, it's hard for women to let go of that identity. Sometimes women are known for their hair. I'm sure people knew you as, "oh yeah, she has the long hair, the really long hair," you know, like that was a part of your identity. 

So, for people to just really give it up that easily, it can be a challenge. It really can be. Um, it is normally something people have to go through a journey in order to get to a certain place to say, hey, all right, this is what I'm going to do. This is my decision, and this is the power I am going to take, and this is, you know, this is it. So, um I know, and as far as women with cancer, uh I know also that I've spoken to women who basically they feel they, they're more attached to their hair than the cancer part. Like they just don't want to lose their hair. Even though, like you said, you knew it was going to come out. They are like, "I want to do anything at any cost to keep my hair," even though they have the cancer to me. And I I've never had cancer, but I'm like, but the cancer is something that can, you know, cause you to lose your life, you know, like that's what you need to focus on. But a lot of times...

Becky Miller: I actually, yeah. Well, I actually had somebody say to me while I was going through that, "Oh my gosh, if I ever had to have chemotherapy, and I lost... and I was going to lose my hair, I wouldn't do it. I just wouldn't do chemotherapy." And, and I was like, "Glory, I'm looking at... I'm glad I did. That was 18 years ago. and I'm here now because I did it," you know, like and but like you said, different perspectives.

One of the things that I did though that I found was was fun. And I know it sounds weird, but sometimes people don't look at the positives of being bald, but I found there actually were some.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.

Becky Miller:  One of the ones that I loved that I had never experienced with my long head of hair, I loved standing in the wind. Like the wind over your bald head feels absolutely fantastic. And another thing that I did that was fun is I was like, "Wow, I'm never going to get the chance to do this again." There was a henna artist at this uh, festival I was at, and I was like, "Heck yes, I am going to go get this really beautiful henna design," a henna tattoo on my head, you know.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm. Yeah.

Becky Miller:  And so I guess my next question to you has have you ever found something about your baldness that you're like, hey, this is pretty cool. I am going to do something fun with this, you know?

Kellie Rhymes: Yes. Yes. The number one thing is, and I still love it to this day, standing under a hot shower and letting it just like beat on your head. Oh my gosh, that feels so amazing. Um, so that's like one of my favorite things. Now, another thing I look forward to when I first cut it off was jumping in the ocean because, you know, we're always like worried about our hair. Okay, when we get it wet, we got to detangle and wash and do all of these things. But I was like, "No, I don't have to worry about that. I could just jump in the ocean." And that's like one of my favorite places to be and just swim and be free. And ah, I love it. I love it.

Becky Miller:  So fantastic.

Kellie Rhymes:  Um, yes. Now, I haven't done the tattoo. Now, I've done like the henna tattoo, a little bit of that. I haven't done like anything major. I have thought about getting a tattoo on my head, but I'm a little bit nervous that it's going to hurt too bad, you know, because it's your skull.

Stacy Griffin: Yeah, yeah.

Kellie Rhymes: So, I was just like, I don't know how this is going to feel, but I think eventually I'll get that done.

Becky Miller: Yeah, that's pretty exciting.

Alysia Thomas:  Imagine how much time you save. Like that's got to be a benefit. You don't have to wash, condition, treat, cut, shave, like all of these things that our culture has made women feel that they have to do to maintain hair or no hair in places.  

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.

Alysia Thomas:  Like, screw all of that.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yep.

Alysia Thomas:  I love that for you. I love that for you so much.

Kellie Rhymes:  The time and the money because remember it cost money to go get your hair styled and all.

Alysia Thomas:  Yes. So expensive. Yes. Love that for you. Love it.

Stacy Griffin:  All right, let's talk about your podcast, The Bougie Baldie Podcast. I'm so excited to hear about it. What message do you hope that people take away from your platform?

Kellie Rhymes:  The the podcast is really to just show other women out there that there are women who have experienced hair loss and have come on the other side of it. You know, everyone is not wearing a wig. Everyone's not hiding and covering it up. There are women who have come on the other side of it. They've experienced a lot of different things that caused their hair loss and they're still happy. They're still out here doing whatever it is. And a lot of them have become advocates and do different things like walks and, you know, fundraisers, and just just all types of things.  

So, just it's really just to show women with hair loss that you're not alone. You're not alone. Here are other people who have a voice who are sharing their stories with you. It may be similar to yours. It may not be, but just know you're not alone. So, at least if you can hear someone else talk about it, it makes you feel comfortable. A little bit more comfortable. I'm going to say totally, but it it makes you feel like a sigh of relief just a little bit to say, "Okay, all right. I can I can relate to this woman. I experience the same thing." Or, "Oh, yeah. Okay, now I know maybe I should do something in particular like a use a certain type of razor or, you know, don't shave your head with a regular straight razor, you know, like just different things like that that people just can pick up on. Uh tips, information.

Um, like I said, I may have a a business on there that specializes in helping women with hair loss. So now they know, oh, if I'm in the New York area, upstate New York, I can go to this person who designs wigs or I can go to a trichologist over here that Kelly interviewed and talk to them and get a consult, you know. So just providing the information, giving them the tools and they it's up to them to reach out and take advantage. But the people are there to share the information and share exactly what they do and how they can support you and help you or just like I said just sharing their story so that you can relate.

Alysia Thomas:  There is so much power in sharing a story. I I believe that with all my heart and I love love love that you are doing that because it's so validating for these other other women who are experiencing this and it's it can be very isolating. We talk about this with any any kind of chronic illness or autoimmune disease. Um it can be very isolating in the beginning.

Kellie Rhymes:  Mhm.

Alysia Thomas:  Um well really any any at any any point on your journey. But when they can, in this blessing of the modern age that we have the ability to access a podcast like yours. If this is something somebody's experiencing, they can do very little footwork to find you and find that support, that validation, the information, the comfort. Like, it's just so good. It makes me so happy. I love it.

Okay, I'm I'm interested to hear about this because you are competing in the 2025 Bald and Beautiful contest. So, how has that experience been? What excites you the most about it? And is there a way that we can see it? Because the first thing when you popped up on my screen, I was like, "Oh my gosh, she's gorgeous."

Kellie Rhymes:  Well, the so the the pageant has already been we've already completed it. It was in August.

Alysia Thomas:  Okay.

Kellie Rhymes:  Uh, I, I did not win, but it was okay. I was like, "No, as long as I could be here to represent." Again, it's all about representing to for me. But beautiful women, three, we had a a winner and then two runner-ups. So, all beautiful women, you know, showing their bald heads, showing their glory, all of those things. The process was very interesting because I had never been a part of a pageant. Like, I'm not a pageant girl. I'm not even really like a girly girl.

So, it was just like, okay, I don't know what to really expect. I've seen pageants on TV, but I don't know. Uh, but we had So, one um category was just like be who are you? What's your style? You know, so you got to walk out and whatever it is you feel like you're comfortable in, how you look on a regular basis, like your style. We had a swimsuit category. Uh, and you didn't have to have a two-piece on. You could wear whatever swimwear made you feel comfortable. Uh, we had a talent portion which I was a little nervous about because I'm like I don't have a talent.  

Alysia Thomas:  Oh, yes you do.

Kellie Rhymes:  Well, I I had to recognize like my talent is my voice. So, I had a little help from my best friend and she wrote me a beautiful poem and then so I did a a spoken word piece. Uh, and then we had our our gowns. So, that's the you know the glamour portion where you have your gowns and answer a question and things like that. Uh, so the process was really cool because it was another community. You know, you had all of these women who were in the pageant with you. Nobody was like fighting or you know trying to be mean or compete. Everybody was like love because these are all women who went through the same types of journey and came out on the other side of being confident. And now now they're here to represent and show that even though you're bald, you're still beautiful. It does not matter what society said. To your point earlier, you're still beautiful and showing that off and having the crowd to support us and we're we're cheering each other on, you know, when the winner won, everybody's like so happy, you know, because it's like again, we know we know what each other has been through and to make it to this point is a great thing. So, whoever won, we were going to be happy. So, it was a great experience.

Alysia Thomas:  So, is there anywhere that we can watch it?

Stacy Griffin:  That's, that's..

Kellie Rhymes:  No. Uh, so that was a question we asked the person who created it. She's it was recorded, but she doesn't know what platform to really put it on. She doesn't want to put it on YouTube just for, you know, she wants something a little bit more secure.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah.

Kellie Rhymes:  So, I think she's just trying to figure out what is the best platform to put it on and then eventually it will be out.

Alysia Thomas:  Okay.

Becky Miller:  Makes sense.

Alysia Thomas:  So, were was it done in previous years?

Kellie Rhymes:  This was the second year, so it was done last year. So, this is year two, and they they're already planning for next year. So, they already have their contestants and they've been auditioning and so they're getting geared up for next year.

Becky Miller: Well, so it sounds like they already have the contestants for next year, but if somebody was listening to this and was interested in doing it in the future, do you know the process of how they become a contestant?  

Alysia Thomas:  So fun.

Kellie Rhymes:  Yes. So, um if they go visit I think it's my bald, my, baldandbeautifulpageant.com I think that's the website. Baldandbeautifulpageant.com. They're always updating that website. There's also a uh, Facebook group called Bald, Bald and Beautiful. So, if you join the Facebook group, they are always telling you what's coming up next, and they'll let you know when the auditions are happening. Um so, if you kind of just take a look out there, join the group, go visit the website, you'll get the information.

Stacy Griffin:  All right. One of the questions that we always like to ask near the end of a interview with someone is as someone who is experienced and has found herself in her own skin understanding what is going on with her, what would you say to someone who is just barely starting their hair loss journey? What is the best advice or comforting thing you would say to them?

Kellie Rhymes:  Um, the best advice I would say is to once again give yourself grace. Don't be too hard on yourself. Um, it can be frustrating because we talked about that grief, right? So you're going to go through those stages of grief. You can get anger, frustration, depression, all of those things. You're going to experience it. So understand it. Give yourself that grace to go through that because you are losing a piece of yourself. Go to find out exactly what's happening with you. It could be something just as minor as you need to change your diet. It could be just nutritional deficiencies. That's something you can fix relatively easy. But you have to know what's going on with you, so that you can get that fixed.

Um, now for those people who may have something like myself scarring alopecia where your hair is not going to come back. Again, it goes back to understanding what scarring alopecia is because like I told you, I went through denial. Even though I knew I had scaring alopecia, I didn't go do the research. I didn't go I just like no whatever you know. So really understanding what your disease is, what the you know whatever it is, understanding it, knowing what comes with it, and then following whatever your doctor tells you to do. Those are some key things. And then on top of that, those support groups, because in those support groups, you get to hear from other people who have experienced the same thing. You can ask any question you want to ask in relation to your hair loss and somebody is going to most likely have an answer for you or be able to support you. So that is the advice that I would give.

Stacy Griffin:  I love that. Don't do it alone. Get doctors, get support, get your family, get everyone involved so that you're not doing it alone. Thank you, Kelly. That's beautiful.

Kellie Rhymes:  You're welcome.

Alysia Thomas:  And finally, if you could leave our listeners with one powerful truth about beauty and resilience or self-acceptance, what would that be?

Kellie Rhymes:  I would say I think I said this before but you have one life - or I said something like this. You have one life to live on this earth right now, right? You want to live it to the fullest. Yes, hair is important. Yes, we care about our hair. But it is not going to end our lives. It really is not. Um, we do have to get to a point to where if you know your hair isn't coming back, you have to get to the point of acceptance and go ahead and embrace it and figure out what you can do to move forward and have a h happy fulfilling life. It is it because that's the most important to me. You have to be the best version of you. And that's where I want to try to get people to.

Alysia Thomas: I love it. Thank you so much. So, for our listeners that want to know more and would like to follow you on social media and online online, um, where can we send them?

Kellie Rhymes: Well, you can visit my website. It's limitlessmindsetcoach.com. You can go visit that.  Um, on the website, you are able to book a call with me. You can check out the podcast. There's links. Um, you, anything I'm doing is going to be on the website. Even information about the upcoming show, I'm about to update it. So, whenever we have a date where it's going to be aired and where, you know, when it's going to be aired, where it's going to be aired, it's all going to be on the website. So, just go visit limitlessmindsetcoach.com.

Becky Miller:  Fantastic. Thank you so much for being with us today, Kellie. Your story, your authenticity, your advocacy are all powerful reminders to us that confidence and beauty really genuinely do come from within. And for everyone listening, we will have links. We'll have Kellie's links um, and information about her work with the Scarring Alopecia Foundation, Limitless Mindset Coaching, and of course, her Bougie Baldie podcast and show. Um, everything will be in our show notes. And thank you for joining us today on Autoimmune Adventures.

Until next time, remember that you are worthy of joy and your disease does not define your life. You do.

Helpful Links:

Kellie's website with information on her coaching, the Bougie Baldie Podcast, and her show:

limitlessmindsetcoach.com

Scarring Alopecia Foundation: scarringalopecia.org

Information on the the Bald and Beautiful Pageant:  baldandbeautifulpageant.com