Finding Hope Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis with Hana Birch - S2 E23

Becky Miller:  Welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures. Today we're honored to have a very special guest and a dear friend with us, Hana Birch. Hannah has lived with rheumatoid arthritis for close to 50 years as well as other autoimmune diseases and she brings a wealth of experience, wisdom, and hope to our conversation today.

Stacy Griffin:  Hana is not only an advocate and author, but she's also a proud wife, a mother, and a grandmother. And her greatest joy is her grandchildren. She treasures and appreciates her wonderful family. She is the author of Hana's Hope, a book of poetry that provides light and encouragement for others walking through life with chronic illness. We are excited to learn more about Hana's journey and the inspiration behind her book. Welcome, Hana.

Becky Miller:  So, Hana, we'd like to start this off-we often use on our podcast, the analogy of chronic illness as a mountain climb. And some days we're making steady progress and other days we're catching our breath and figuring out our next step. What mountain do you find yourself on right now? Um, and are you still climbing? Have you reached a new milestone or are you taking a break?  

Hana Birch:  I, I need to take a break because I had my grandkids over on the weekend and so I just need to rest but to recover. But uh it's hard to say, um, because like even though with one, like you get one under - I have several autoimmune diseases and you get one under control and then the other one decides to flare up and act up and then you got to work on that one. And so it's like kind of like gardening where you're you always there's always a patch that needs weeding and needs fixing and then you get that patch done and so it's like a neverending cycle.

Becky Miller: It's true. And I think everybody out here listening that has chronic illness would agree with you 100% on that.

Stacy Griffin:  Hana, could you share a little bit about your background and the beginning of your journey with rheumatoid arthritis? We know you were diagnosed at a young age while you were going through some really stressful events in your life. Can you tell our listeners a little more about that?

Hana Birch:  Okay. So the family I was living with at that time was very abusive, and cuz I'm, I was orphaned like when I was born. My mother was in a car accident and it was either lose both of us, or just she dies, and that's what happened. I lived, she died. But because of that, I was premature and um anyway, so I had lived with families before that and then that one was very abusive and she did not, the mom, she did not like it when um like my knees would get stuck bent and she just kept insisting that I was faking it. And so she would come over there and, "Stop faking, stop trying to get attention." And she'd be trying to force my knees straight. And of course, I'm screaming and crying in pain because it hurt. And I'm like, "No, it's not in my knee. It's in...I mean, it's not in my head. It's in my knee." because she kept trying to tell me it was all in my head and I was like, "No, it's not." But yeah, she wouldn't believe me.

And like even like every time the doctor would tell me, tell them that I had asthma or said anything about my asthma, she'd beat me after we got home. "How dare you make the doctor think that?" And I was like, "I didn't do anything. I just did what he told me to." But she did not, she wouldn't believe any of it, and um, thought I was just doing all of it for attention, which I wasn't, because I, in reality don't really like attention on me, and whenever it is, I feel nervous and, and so I just laugh a lot because that's what I do when I'm nervous or embarrassed. I laugh.

And um yeah, so it was it was kind of hard because I, I, I got to the point where I felt like it was it wasn't something you talk about, cuz nobody's going to believe you.

Becky Miller: I can see how that would be really hard and we are glad that you eventually got out of that living situation, and it's awful that you were in that. One of the things that we talk about a lot here is how trauma can actually play a role in us getting autoimmune diseases. They've done a lot of studies that show that to be the case. So, as you're looking back on those early days with your rheumatoid arthritis, it seems I mean, would you agree? To me listening to your story, it seems like that.

Hana Birch:  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because when my when my boys were little, like really little, they did a, a test where they took their blood and they took my blood and did this really fancy test with it. And they told me, they said that my rheumatoid arthritis was not in my DNA. If my sons get arthritis, it's going to be when they're old and gray. um that mine was because of my bones being damaged really severely multiple times in my youth, and I know, so, there... why I knew when they said that the bozo gave me rheumatoid arthritis all this pain and everything I'm dealing with is thanks to her.

Becky Miller: Yeah. And that's that's tough. And I'm sure a lot of people out there listening, um unfortunately, we know there are listeners out there who probably experienced abuse in their young years too. But I think that we can all agree that trauma definitely has a significant impact on how and when um, because I would say I mean there are people that get it younger, but I would say your rheumatoid arthritis also exhibited at a fairly young age. But like you said, given that you were a preemie and that you had been passed around through foster care and adoptions and various things, you you were living with a high level of stress and with people that were also being physically abusive. And I could totally see how that would come to pass.

Hana Birch:  Yeah.

Becky Miller: Um, and so have you found later in your life, um, because I know some people, um, some people find it helps their symptoms if they get counseling. Have you found that, that, because I know you and I have talked before, and you have had that experience of counseling. Do you feel personally that that has been something that's helped you?

Hana Birch: Yeah, it has helped me. Um, I wouldn't say that it made my arthritis all better because that's impossible.

Stacy Griffin: I'm going to say

Hana Birch:  I mean, I've had it since I was I was diagnosed when I was 12. And before that, I kept falling down and nobody knew why because I'd be walking and there's nothing there so I fall. And the doctors explained to me it was because my brain gets the message, this is too much pain, can't handle it. And so then my brain sends back release, you know, no weight on that. And so then my knees would give up and I'd be either in the middle of the road on in the middle of the hallway or the sidewalk or I'd fall down the stairs.That happened several times. And I just learned that basically my my legs were not reliable. But now with my bones being so thin and everything, it's like I was telling my my therapist that when I was younger, falling wasn't such a big deal because I know I get bruised, I get hurt, but it's okay. I'll survive. I'll get through it. But now, because of my bones being thin, thanks to some of the medications I've had to take, I, if I fall, it's really dangerous because I could break a hip. And that's very serious. And so it's a lot more stressful falling is. And so I can't take the chances that I could before. I have to be a lot more careful. Um and just okay, I can't count on my legs. So don't don't even go there, you know?

Stacy Griffin:  I think that um over the years you have gained a perspective that I find very inspiring because as a person who was a foster parent to hear that you were treated that way in foster care hurts my heart.But your brave vulnerability is something I really appreciate, Hana. It's something I've always appreciated about you is that you're willing to talk about the hard things so that you can help the other people who are going through them. It is not easy in life to go through what you've gone through and be able to arrive on the other side and still have hope. Which is why I love the name of your book and we're excited to talk about it here in a little bit.

Hana Birch:  Can I do a...

Stacy Griffin: Um, yay. I'm excited. Okay. So, over the years, how has your perspective on rheumatoid arthritis evolved from when you were a child and what aspects of living with it maybe have become easier now that you understand what's going on and what are your big everyday challenges?

Hana Birch:  Moving. A, a lot of times because it's so painful. Um, as as the years have gone by, the pain gets worse and so your pain tolerance gets higher, and um, it's just hard to to psych yourself up to you know it's going to hurt. You know it's going to feel really awful. And so there's a part of you that just is like no moving, just stay still. But you know that's not healthy, and you can't do that. And so just making myself move and get up and do things. And when I was when my when I had kids, it was, I got to, I got to get up because I got to take care of the kids. But now all the kids are gone. And so it's like I gotta keep moving because I got to keep my health up, because I promise, I made a promise to my grandkids and my kids and I need to keep it. So those those are my motivations to keep me moving because it's so tempting just to be like I'm feeling really good right where I am. As long as I don't move, it's going to be great.

Stacy Griffin:  Yeah. Psyching ourselves up to get out of bed in the morning. I think that's a struggle that a lot of people with chronic illness have, but when it's arthritis, it's a lot harder. It's just a lot harder. So, um...

Hana Birch:  Well, yeah. I mean, just going to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom and it's a workout. I come back and I'm all sweating and I feel like I just did, you know, aerobics for 30 minutes and I just went to the bathroom.

Stacy Griffin:  Yeah.

Hana Birch:   I remember at the hospital one time I went to the bathroom and I came back I came out of the bathroom and the nurse was like, "Hun, why are you that wiped out? You shouldn't be that wiped out. There's something wrong with you." I'm like, "Yeah, I know. I've..."

Becky Miller:  ...like chronic illness. I got it."

Hana Birch:  ...been living with this. I understand.

Becky Miller:  Well, and one of the things that I actually think might help some of our listeners too is that because you've had rheumatoid arthritis for long so long and it has progressed, you went from, you know, like you said, having trouble and maybe tripping and falling occasionally when you were younger, but you now have to use a wheelchair.  

Hana Birch:  Yeah, I'm in a wheelchair.

Becky Miller:  Where was that transition for you? Like where did you recognize when you were doing your everyday stuff? Um, cuz a lot of us talk about like um ability aids, you know, and whether it's ... I know for me it sounds silly, but because I have trouble bending and whatever. I didn't ever use a shower chair until I had to have one after my knee surgery. And after I had one, I was like, "This is fantastic. I don't feel like I'm going to fall down and potentially get dizzy or hurt myself in the shower." And so even though my knees healed, I was like, I'm still using my shower chair because I have other health problems. And I think sometimes people get so worried about what other people are going to think um that it's hard for them to make that transition and say, "Okay, I'm to a point now that I need this. I need a cane. I need a wheelchair." Like what helped you get to where you were comfortable in saying, "This is going to actually make my quality of life better?  

Hana Birch:  Um, realizing that I couldn't keep, I couldn't go to Sam's with the family anymore if I didn't go in a wheelchair. It was just too painful there. It was it was awful. It was really horrible. I couldn't um, participate with people on stuff. It's just there was just no way that because I had um at the that time I had already been going years with just bone on bone because there was no cartilage in the knee. And um they tried cleaning it up, thinking that would help make it grow back and last longer, but my body doesn't do what it's supposed to do. It never has. It's kind of like the rebellious teenager in that way. And so, um, I had been going, you know, every time I moved, every time I walked, it wasn't just arthritis pain. I, I now had bone on bone causing me pain and grief as well. And so, whenever I went anywhere, tried to participate, it was really, really miserable and hard. And it just got to the point where I just I couldn't unless I had the wheelchair. And so literally it was okay, I have to do this and there's no other choice here.

Becky Miller:  Yeah.

Hana Birch:  And so then I was like, "Okay, doctor, I'll take the wheelchair now."

Becky Miller:  Well, and, and it's good.

Hana Birch:  All right.

Becky Miller:  Yeah, it's good that you were able to figure that out even though it is sometimes a hard thing to do. I know you and I have talked a lot about because once you are in a wheelchair and you have to be in a wheelchair because you're to that point physically, you get a whole other set of challenges that I think a lot of people - I know even including myself even though I have chronic illness and I have a lot of problems. I didn't realize just how challenging certain kinds of travel, particularly air travel, could be until I was recovering from my knee replacements and had to use a wheelchair and um, had a very not good experience at the airport with that. We'll just put it that way.

But you and I, I know, were talking the other day. Um, and I just I felt really strongly that this was a story that need to be shared because I think people don't know what they don't know. And if they're not experiencing themselves, they don't understand why accessibility is so important. So, if you don't mind sharing the story we were talking about the other day when you were traveling overseas on the...

Hana Birch: Yeah, my very first airplane, commercial airline flight ever. And it, it, it cured me of ever wanting to go anywhere again because so on the way there, so this it was 36 or 38 hours. I can't remember which way was longer, but um so it's, it's a 36 or 38 hour flight and they wouldn't let me have the wheelchair on the plane. So, I'm sitting in the regular seats and my, I have long legs and my knees literally felt like they were going into the back of the chair behind me. Even though they weren't tipped back or anything, my knees felt like they were going and my knees were touching the back of the chair. And I felt like it was they were going into the back of the chair. And I kept doing like I'm doing with my wheelchair right now, like you know, adjusting, trying to push myself into the chair as far as I could. And it didn't make any difference.

And um after a while, my legs start feeling numb, and I can't feel my feet or my legs anymore because they're all numb. And they went when they they did the layover things and they send the people in to clean the plane, they wouldn't let me get off because I'm in a wheelchair. And I guess that looks bad or something to some people. And so they had me just stay on the plane while the cleaning crew came through, which was kind of awkward because they're all trying to move fast, so you can't say anything to them or anything. And then when they're doing my seat, I had to lean forward so they could clean the thing behind, change the thing behind me and everything.  

Hana Birch: It was just it was really awkward. But then, so back then I was taking medication that made me retain water really bad, which in one way was good because I didn't have to go to the bathroom much, but I had to go to the bathroom one time during this big huge long flight. And my legs were totally numb and hurting, and I was so miserable and I had to pee. I'm like, I need to use the bathroom, please. And they wouldn't let me have the chair again. And so Brian had to help me try to help me to to maneuver to the bathroom and get to the bathroom. And so he helps me to the bathroom and the bathroom's really small. So he can't even go in there to help me. And I had to hold on to the toilet while I'm not the toilet, the sink. I'm holding on to the sink while trying to pull my pants down. And then I finally get my pants down and all I could do was just fall back onto the toilet cuz there's no bars or anything to help support you either. So, I just had to fall back onto the toilet and I guess it made some noise or something when I did because all of a sudden all the steartesses are knocking on the door. "Are you okay? Are you okay?"

And I'm like, "Yeah, just try and go to the bathroom." And then to get up, I had to fling myself at the sink, catch the sink, and then pull myself up holding on to the sink and then pull try to, you know, hold on with one hand, pull with up with the other and do the same thing on the other side. And then I knocked on the door, "I need my husband back." And so then he came, opened the door, helped me back to the chair. And the whole way there and the whole way back, I was in so much pain. I had two choices. I could either scream like I felt like or I could just cry. And so I just I just silently sobbed because it hurts so bad. And so I'm trying really hard not to make this a traumatic thing for people to see. But I get back to my chair and the stewardess comes over and says, "Um, could you please stop crying? You're really disturbing the other passengers."

Becky Miller:  Of course, because that's really the...

Hana Birch: I'm like, "Okay, I I'm not allowed to cry." I mean, that's what I was telling you. There are times I feel like the world expects me to be a robot. I'm not allowed to feel. I'm not allowed to um, have wants or needs or or anything. I'm just supposed to be this robot. And I'm not allowed to speak either. I'm just supposed to be this robot that is there for when people need me and invisible when they don't.

Stacy Griffin:  You know, it's interesting because we talk about how chronic illness is invisible and when it doesn't, when it shows itself, when it comes out and quits being invisible, it makes people really uncomfortable, but that says something about them, not us, right?  

Hana Birch:  Mhm.

Stacy Griffin:  It it is okay to feel things. And we even live in a world now where people will say, "Feel your feelings." But sometimes when you do, when you let that pain show, because you can't help it, it's not you're not being an entertainer. You're not being a drama queen. You're simply in excruciating pain.

Hana Birch:  Mhm.

Stacy Griffin:  And it can't, it can't be, I don't know. I don't know that I even have the words to fully explain what I'm trying to say here except to simply say it's not fair. It is not fair to be in that kind of pain and then be told your feelings are irrelevant. "Who cares? You're making other people uncomfortable." People need to get a reality check. Honestly, if they were in...

Becky Miller: Well, and this, I was going to say, in the setup too of some of the things airlines in some ways are a little better than they used to be, but they are still, they are very clearly not very handicap accessible.  

Hana Birch:  No.

Becky Miller:  And um, especially for people that need to be in their wheelchairs and different things. and so the reason like I said, you might hear Hana's story there and I know the first time she told me I was like, "Oh my word!" I was so frustrated for her." But we're not trying to like have it as rage bait here. We are literally saying we need to be aware of these things because awareness is where we can help get make change.

And so, um, some of you out there, I know there are some of our listeners that are also wheelchair bound and I am sure that you have had similar uncomfortable experiences when you have had to travel. And for those of us that maybe haven't and maybe hadn't thought about it before, be a voice of advocacy for those people that are going through that, because I think sometimes our society gets a very a lot of people use the term, you know, view, "ableism" where you forget that there are people out there who maybe don't have functioning legs or need that wheelchair or whatever it is.  And um it is not right to negate their feel feelings, nor is it right to not provide them a way to do things like travel like any other person. Um so we we bring that about because I think it's something worth talking about because again like I said until people know about it, change can't happen. So, um....

Stacy Griffin: Yeah, we we find advocacy to be really important and not just in the world at large but even within our own homes. So Hannah, how do you communicate or advocate for yourself with your family and friends and maybe health care providers? What are some of the things that you do to help when you're struggling?

Hana Birch:  That's been a challenge for me because my like I usually play down how I'm actually doing and so like even though I, I really work, that's something I've really worked on the last several years is trying to be more honest with my doctors and stuff, because like typically once they get to know me, they understand. And so that helps a lot them knowing me.  

But like when they before they know me, they say, "Oh, how are we feeling today? On a scale from 1 to 10, where's your pain at?" Pain the 10 being the worst, 1 being the least. Where's your pain at? And even though my pain is like typically like mostly maybe an 8 or a 9, I'll say, "Oh, a 4 or a 5," because I play it down because I I I feel like I'm complaining." If I be more honest, I feel like I'm like like my neighbor that I used to walk when I was was young when she would just cry and complain the whole time we were walking on the street. And I was just like, she was all alone, and I was like, I don't want to be like that. I don't want people to remember me being all, "that's so horrible," you know, and I don't want that. And so because of that, I think I that kind of played a part in that that I just I really play things down a lot.  

And um so it really helps for people to know you because then they they know your signs. They know, like my kids told me, we know when you're hurting really bad because you get really quiet and you turn inward. And after they said that, I realized I do. I didn't realize that before. Because you know, they're like, usually if people are talking, you'll join in the conversation. You'll be laughing, but when you're hurting really bad, you're not doing anything. You're just sitting there really quiet. And so they said that's how they know.

Becky Miller:  Yeah, I was going to say I think a lot of us, it's interesting because we talk on our podcast all the time about advocacy, but I will agree with you, there are times where I, I think we do it sometimes even without thinking where we mask our true symptoms, just like you said, because we don't want to inconvenience people or we don't want them to think that we're trying to be a drama queen or whatever.  

And I would say that even though there might be social situations where we do that and it's a little more understandable, I have found that it's beneficial for me to not mask my pain with my doctors. And like you said, when you have good doctors, that helps a lot because, you know, I, I'll be honest with I I went through a period of time where I was having some trouble with my lupus. I was having some really bad joint pain and I had been, like you said, kind of playing it down with my rheumatologist. And then I decided, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to be honest with him. And so even though I was having a relatively good day when I saw him, I was like, you know, and he asked about how my pain had been, I was like, honestly, it's been really bad the last couple of weeks. My, the joints in my hands are awful. It hurts to move my fingers. And so then we actually had a really beneficial conversation about, "Hey, you shouldn't be hurting like that. Let's find a solution," you know, and we were able to work through it.

Hana Birch:  Mhm.

Becky Miller:  Whereas if I had done the masking it, which sometimes like I said we have a tendency to do that just because we don't want to inconvenience people, um, you know, so I think there's definitely and, it is it, is uh, learning advocacy for yourself is definitely a lifelong process I found,

Hana Birch: Yeah, I still I'm still working on it.

Becky Miller:  So yeah, aren't we all? Um, but in, as you've been on your medical journey, what for you - because this might be helpful for people that have gone gone through similar things - but what have you found the most helpful um, for your overall lifestyle? Whether it's medical treatments or maybe diet changes, mindset changes, what what do you feel personally is the best thing that helps manage your symptoms?

Hana Birch:  Well, I'll have to say it's very easy when you're having a hard day with having health issues, it's very easy to get down on yourself, and feel like nobody cares about me and I'm nothing. And cuz you look back on all the things you used to be able to do that you can't do anymore, which is a big no no. And you start feeling like, oh, I'm no good anymore. And that kind of thing. And so for me, the thing that helps me get over that hump and get on with things in a better attitude and a better light is humor. I, I feel like that's what God gave us that for. It's it's one of those hidden blessings that helps you to see the if you can see the humor in situations and in yourself, then you know what? Maybe this isn't so bad after all. I can I can get this. I can still smile. I can still, it's just I'm doing it in a different way now. I'm moving in a different way now. I'm getting around in a different way. And it's just it's the beginning.

Like I feel like yes, I've had one life, but I feel like in that life I've had several different lives. And being in a wheelchair was the start of one of those lives because the way I live, the way I do things, the way I function is totally different than when I had legs that worked. Well, they never really worked worked, but you know what I mean.

Becky Miller: No, that's um I appreciate that. Um, that really encompasses we have, you know, what we call our Big Six and our first one is actually a Growth Mindset and a Sense of Humor, and we think they go well together. And I think you're a great example of both of those where you recognized, hey, there's things I can control and things I can't. I can't control that I have these illnesses. So, I am going to move forward and I like you said, you're going to try and find the humor in it. And I think all of us here would probably agree that you find that yes, you find the humor and sometimes it's kind of dark humor because that's that's how you cope. But, uh, yeah, thank you for sharing that because I think that's I think that's a big one in helping us deal with the day the day-to-day struggles we have with our chronic illnesses.

Stacy Griffin: I think too that with chronic illness, it's good to have creative outlets because a lot of us lose our mobility, or some extent of our mobility, and that means we've got a lot of quiet time and sometimes that needs to be spent resting. But sometimes we've got quiet time where we don't have the energy to go and do something out and all of that, but we still have enough energy that we want to do something worthwhile.

Hana Birch: Mhm.

Stacy Griffin: So with that in mind, you wrote a book.

Hana Birch: Yes.

Stacy Griffin: Um, so you've written an inspiring book of poetry called Hana's Hope. Can you share with us what the inspiration for your book was?

Hana Birch: Yes, it's life just day-to-day living.

Becky Miller:  Didn't you say I think you told me at one point, didn't your granddaughter encourage you?

Hana Birch: Yes. Yes, it's life just day-to-day living. Yes. Yes. Jo-yee told me, "Grandma, you should write a book." So, I did. She said, "You should publish," cuz actually I've written books in art books and stuff for them with pictures and stuff and um I was reading one of my poems that I had written to her and she's like, "Grandma, you should publish a book with your poems." And so I did. And so now I call her my manager because she manages my writing.

Becky Miller:  She's a good kid. We love Jo-yee. But I can honestly say, guys, I have been the benefit, I have benefited from, I should say, um Hana, she does she just writes little poems and because we're friends, she will send them via text and it's a nice kind of pick-me-up on a hard day because she's usually got a really, really good hopeful attitude in, in the way that she writes while still being very real about the tough stuff that's going on. So um, with that in mind, do you mind sharing with our listeners? You can hold up your book and show them and share a favorite poem that is especially meaningful to you. Yeah, keep holding it up when it's there in a second. But also, if you want to give us, like when you're sharing it, if you don't mind sharing the context or the background behind the poem as well, that would be lovely.

Hana Birch: Yes. Yes, it's life just day-to-day living. Oh, okay. Well, I was going to share with you, but I'm going to use my uh, my copy of that they send me for proofing because I already have it marked in this one.

Becky Miller: Nice.

Hana Birch: Um I'll share with you my So, I wrote a book, a poem called Pain, Pain, and I was just having a really tough time with pain that day. And like when I talk to my kids and stuff and they'll ask me, "Oh, mom, how you doing?"

"Oh, Arthur is bugging me really bad today." And it's a joke between me and them. Arthur is not a person. It's arthritis. And um so I was just I was having a lot of pain that day and so I wrote the poem. But um it says:

Pain, pain, go away. Don't come back another day.

How I wish you were far away.

Yet you are here keeping me near.

I don't like you. Not one bit. Do you hear?

How I wish you'd go away and not come back, never stay.

You bug me constantly throughout each day.

Can you not see? I don't wish to play.

So leave my life. Oh, please, I pray.

Alas, it seems you're here to stay.

I won't succumb. I will smile and say,

"What a good and glorious day.

You can hurt me. This is true. Yet I will not let you have your way."

So despite you, I will smile and sing

and be happy about everything.

Because of you, I have learned a lot.

I have gained blessings I would not have sought.

Because I knew not their value before you came.

Now I do, so they are my aim.

Thank you, pain. Since you won't leave,

I will change my life's tapestry with a different weave.

No matter what, I will live on.

I will live better. This is no con.  

I will grow stronger and hide you well.

No one will know I'm under your spell.

I will do my best and you will see,

I will win against you triumphantly.

So though I sing the song a bit,

I will persevere. I won't throw a fit.

So just for now, let me sing,

So that my fighting courage this song will bring.

Pain, pain, go away.

Don't come back another day.

Stacy Griffin:  That's really awesome. Thank you for sharing with us, Hana. I think that um, finding a creative outlet when we are struggling helps to ease the struggle. it it helps to make things a little more bearable. So, if there was one thing that you would love to have people take away from your book, what is it? What's the lesson you'd like them to learn?

Hana Birch: That there's always hope and that they're not alone. We're not perfect. None of us. And we all have our issues and our things that we're dealing with. And life is a journey and it's full of many different adventures and our struggles are just some of the adventures. And I know for me, if I look at it as an adventure and not, oh, I'm being punished, it makes a world of difference. I mean, climbing up a mountain sometimes can feel like a punishment. But when you think, no, this is an adventure, you realize, okay, yeah, I'm not being punished. It's an adventure. So then it becomes a better thing and not a bad thing.

Becky Miller:  That is a great way to look at it. Again, totally encompassing that whole growth mindset thing that it's, and I think it it's interesting because we talk about the line between growth mindset and toxic positivity. And I love that you are on the growth mindset side. Like you are completely aware of the reality of the pain and everything that goes into it, and you're choosing to say, you know what, I'm not going to let that take over my life. I know it's there. It's it's not going away. It's going to stay there. Um but I'm going to move on and I'm going to find things that I am excited about, things that I love, and I'm going to move forward. And I think that's great. Um, so with that in mind as well, on your tough days, um, you've got your creative outlet, but are there other things in your life that keep you hopeful?

Hana Birch:  Yeah, my grandkids.

Becky Miller:  Your grandkids are great.

Hana Birch:  And seeing them when they're older and being there for them, getting their hugs and having them tell me, "You're doing great, Grandma. You're the best, Grandma." Just, you know, with them, I'm a superstar. And it never hurts to be a superstar, because that keeps you motivated to keep going because you want to shine bright for them. And you want to show them that there's no stopping you, and that when they come into hard things in their life, don't give up. Just keep moving forward and do what you got to do. And grandma did it, so I can too. I want them to see that. I want them to know that and never doubt it. Like I always tell them our family motto is "never give up". Like I'll ask them, "What's our family motto?"

And they know. "Never give up."

"Yep, that's right. And so I'm doing my best to prove that to them and to give them an example of that, so that no matter what they face in the future, "Okay, I can't give up. I got to keep moving. I got to keep doing this. I got to keep moving forward. This is the right path I'm that I'm on. So I just got to keep keep at it and not give up," because if we give up, we cheat ourselves of so many things. And it's, it's sad. It's really sad.

Becky Miller:  It is. And I think one of the things, and I think another thing, that people obviously because they haven't met you yet, but I think that you've mastered too is the art of not giving up but also knowing when you need to rest. Because I think sometimes people out there when they're struggling with chronic illness, they feel like if they need to take that break and they need to rest to heal their body, they feel like they're giving up. And I feel like being your friend and seeing how you handle things over the years, I feel like you are a master of recognizing I don't feel good. I know I'm in a flare or whatever and I need to rest to recover. And that doesn't mean I'm giving up. That means I'm actually making thing, doing a positive thing. I'm helping heal my body so that I can continue moving forward.

Hana Birch: Yeah. In fact, um when I was in my 20s and my boys were really small, I had the mindset, oh, I got to keep going. I got to keep going. And I didn't allow myself to rest. And I ended up having to take an emergency trip to my doctor, and I found out that I almost killed myself because of over-exhaustion. I didn't know you could die from over-exhaustion until that happened.  

And my doctor told me you she knew about my promise to my boys and she knew how I felt with my in regards to my kids and she's like if you're really going to be there for them when they grow up, you can't do this. And that's when it hit me how important taking a rest is. That if I'm going to be here tomorrow, I have to do what my body needs me to do today. And that was when it just like, you know, in my face, hit me like a ton of bricks, or a ton of Mr. Goodbars. Nuh-uh. Do what you got to do.

Stacy Griffin:  I love that. Um, I love your sense of humor. It brings me a lot of joy, because I know that it comes from a place of just goodness. And so, thank you for being that. Thank you for being who you are.

We really appreciate you.

All right. If you could give advice to someone who has recently been diagnosed with RA, what is the one important takeaway you would give them?  

Hana Birch: Okay. Um, I'll tell you another story. Um, when uh, how long ago was that? Like maybe 20 years or more. Uh, our ward [church congregation], in our ward there was a young man that he got diagnosed with diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis like the same time. And um, his mom knew that I, his mom and his sister knew that I had, older sister knew I had issues with multiple things. And so they said, "Could could you come and talk to him, because he's being really depressed and we can't get him out of the depression. We need help. Can you come and talk to him?"

And so I did, and they made it like they were just inviting us over for dinner. And I we got there and he was just on the couch with a blanket and you could tell he was really depressed, and I just I went over and um, at that time I could walk. So, I went over and I just plopped down on the couch with him even though he's he's like, pulls his feet back really quick, because I sat down right where his feet were and he looks at me kind of funny, and I was like, "I hear you got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis." 

"Yeah."

"I have it too. I've had it since I was 12."

"What? You were younger than me when you got diagnosed?"

"Yeah." And I don't remember everything we said, but I remember when I got there, he was feeling like his his whole life had ended. And when I left, he was feeling like, you know what, this is another adventure. I can do this. It's just I do it different now. And I think that's what everyone, I would want everyone to know is getting a diagnosis of different health issues. or that are change your life. like these that you guys talk about do, it's not the end of the world. It's just the start of a new adventure where you do things differently. Your work, you be, you know your life is different but it's not the end. It's just the start of a new adventure. And that's what I would want people to know.

Stacy Griffin:  I love that so much because I think that people see it as a hard stop instead of an okay, you've been traveling this path and maybe it looks a lot more exciting, but this path over here also has beautiful view, and a lot of gorgeous vistas, and you're going to see amazing things that you never would have seen on the other path and you're going to meet amazing people that you would never have met on the other path.

Hana Birch: I was always a doer, even when I was little, and I was always taking care of other people, helping other people. And then I, you know, I realized more and more I couldn't do what I used to do. And that was my, that was my identity. That was who I was in my mind. And so then when I couldn't do tons, I felt like I just lost my identity because I'm like, okay, now who am I? And and that happened after I got in the wheelchair because I was more dependent on other people. I couldn't just do everything on my own. And um, I realized if I had, if I realized that my health issues are actually a blessing in disguise, because if I had been allowed to just be healthy and do everything like I'd always done, I'd be going so fast, there would be a lot I would miss. There would be people that need a comforting hand or just an ear to listen to or a shoulder to cry on that I would have missed. I wouldn't have seen them because I'd be moving too fast.

And so I feel like in a sense it was a blessing in that it was like slow down, smell the flowers, look around a little bit, pay attention, notice things you wouldn't otherwise. And in that way, it was a huge blessing. And I realized, oh, this isn't, this isn't a bad thing. This is a good thing. I'm going even slower, but you know what? I can notice a whole lot more that I would have missed otherwise.

Becky Miller:  Very true. And I can attest that Hannah is still a help people out and do wonderful things. Even though she might be limited physically, many people um aside from me, but many of her friends have benefited from, whether it's her sweet texts that she sends or she's also an excellent letter writer. like she is really good with the snail mail, which is I swear a dying art, but she sends sweet little cards out to people all the time and really just has kept that spirit of giving. And just like you said, it's it's recognizing that sometimes you have to change the way you do things, but it's it's not like Stacy said, "a hard stop." It's just a little bit of a detour and you just have to change the way you're doing it.

Hana Birch:  Yep.

Becky Miller:  So, Hannah, thank you so much for joining us today, for sharing your wisdom and your heart. Uh, before we go, can you tell people the best place to find Hana's Hope?

Hana Birch:  On Amazon, but make sure you look up, um, make sure you look up this "HJ Birch" because if you type in Hana's Hope, you'll get a bunch of weird stuff.

Becky Miller:  Okay.

Hana Birch:  But if you type in "HJ Birch" there, then you're going to get my book. It'll be right on top.

Becky Miller:  Fantastic.

Stacy Griffin:  Fantastic. Thank you so much, Hana. Your story of resilience is really inspiring to us, and we're grateful for your encouragement, not that you've only given to us, but to our audience as well. And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in to our episode of Autoimmune Adventures. Thank you for joining us. We're so grateful to have you as part of our community. If you enjoyed today's conversation, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who might need a little encouragement on their own journey. You can find more resources, past episodes, and inspiration to our website at autoimmuneadventures.com.

And as always, remember, you are worthy of joy. Your disease does not define your life. You do.

HELPFUL LINKS:

Hana's Hope: Sharing Hope and Faith by H.J. Birch - https://amzn.to/4oev5Px

*The Amazon link above is an affiliate link. Using this link will not cost you anything extra, but as an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases.