S2 E9: Stress Management and a Strong Support System

Becky Miller:  Welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures. Today we're tackling one of the most powerful pieces of the wellness puzzle, stress management and building strong support systems.

Alysia Thomas:  This episode wraps up our Big Six, which are our six essential principles for living well with chronic illness. And honestly, we saved this one for last, and it's one of the most impactful ones. Stress is known to be a trigger for autoimmune flares. Um, and having chronic illness already kind of elevates your baseline for stress. So, it's a two-way street and a lot of us kind of get stuck on.

Stacy Griffin:  Right? And it isn't just emotional stress that we're talking about. Physical stress, including chronic pain and fatigue, environmental stress, and financial pressure, all of these are things that add to that. And then that of course can make relationships strained and the stress of navigating a medical system that doesn't always listen to us. Um, and it can begin to pile up and really impact our health. And if just hearing that list of possible stress triggers is making your heart palpitate or your anxiety level skyrocket, take a slow, deep breath in because today's episode is part toolbox, part heart-to-heart, and part invitation to start making a stable space for yourself when things feel truly overwhelming.

Becky Miller:  First let's start with why it's so important to manage stress. I mean, the obvious reason is that we would like peace of mind because nobody likes feeling on edge and worrying about things all the time. That's not a good feeling. But there are plenty of actual scientific reasons physically why we want to reduce our stress. Um, chronic stress activates our hypothalamic pituitary uh adrenal axis which is our HPA axis. And I know that is a big whatever. It's a fancy term for our body's central stress response system. This triggers cortisol release and in small doses, cortisol actually helps us stay alert. But chronic elevation of cortisol causes inflammation. It ramps up that inflammation and our immune system gets disregulated and our symptoms can start to flare.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah. So, there's already up and coming research that shows that high stress levels can precede the onset of autoimmune diseases. Um, I know that was certainly the case for me. I had a whole string of stressful things in my life that happened before I started manifesting symptoms. Um, but it does not mean that stress alone will cause them. It but it adds fuel to the fire, so to speak. So, when your body is already thinking that your thyroid or your pancreas or your joints or whatever the enemy and they're already attacking those things, you don't want any extra inflammation. So, and that's what stress causes. It just causes extra inflammation. And it causes your immune system to attack even more.

Stacy Griffin:  So, what can we do? The first step is recognizing your personal stress profile. What are the things that consistently drain you?  Maybe it's a loud environment, high pressure deadlines, conflict with loved ones. All of these are possible triggers. or just saying yes to too much, which we all do. Um, so we need to take the time and make a list of our stressors because if we're not aware of them, if we don't keep track of them, we can't help to reduce them. We have to consider possible solutions for the things that we can control and adjust accordingly. Track your patterns. You can't change what you don't see. For example, if high pressure deadlines are something that cause you stress, consider what you can do to better prepare for assignments. Ways that you can avoid procrastination are always helpful. If you work in an environment where high pressure deadlines are part of your job culture, maybe consider a different position.  

And I know that is not what you want to hear, but in the long run, you do have to consider your long-term health. So consider a possible move into a different position at work. It might be helpful to ask a friend or a professional like a counselor or a life coach for help and ask them for ways that you can address your stress. But remember, solutions need to be sustainable. It's important they're sustainable or we won't continue to use them, right? And they have to work for you. They have to be something that fits you specifically.

Alysia Thomas:  This is something you actually need to take time to sit down and do. I need to sit down and do this. I need to make a list of my stressors and figure out things that I could do to lower them. Um, this is not this is this is like the first step in addressing stress in your life is recognizing where it's coming from, because if you don't do that, you can't come up with solutions, right?  And be prepared to to have to come up with some solutions that maybe are going to be really difficult. Like Stacy said, changing your work position, that she had to do that. She had to do that. um ending relationships. Some unfortunately I know people that have had to end relationships, marriages or friendships or even with family members that it was a a toxic relationship and that's a form of stress. So take some time to really think about it.

Becky Miller:  And the the recognizing it and and I think that's a those are all good steps to take us in the right direction. There are also a lot of little practical actions we can take to address stress in general. And a lot of them you're going to hear are familiar. A lot of them kind of hark back to our other Big Six. Um, you've heard us talk a lot about the importance of nutrition and a healthy diet. And you might wonder how that impacts stress. But if you ask yourself if you've ever been hangry, you can probably figure out how it does.  

Becky Miller:  I literally just a couple of days ago, my husband and son and I were out running errands and we had like several hours worth of errands to run and we kind of left midmorning. So about halfway through, it was kind of lunchtime, but at first we were like, let's just push through and go home and eat lunch after. But we realized pretty quickly that we were getting short with each other. Everybody was just unhappy. It was not a good thing. And so we stopped, and we had lunch. And I will tell you, I'm sure all of you had similar experiences, but it was like three different people when we got back in the car together again after that.

Becky Miller:  So, uh, keep that in mind that that is actually something that, you know, eating healthy and eating in time, you know, in appropriate intervals, um, can actually help reduce your stress. It's important to fuel your body. Blood sugar spikes and crashes make everything worse. Mood swings, anxiety, physical exhaustion. We need to focus on foods when we can that create slow burning energy. Think things like oats, sweet potatoes, healthy fats, and protein at every meal if you can.

And another important one is to stay hydrated. Um because even being slightly dehydrated can increase your cortisol level. And the three of us, it's kind of an ongoing joke for anybody that grew up, I guess, in the desert. And we grew up by the Colorado River. And if you ever go on a river trip, they have a required amount of water you're supposed to drink every day. And at least for me, all the river trips I went on, the guides would always say, if somebody seems unusually tired or particularly if they seem seem angry, confused, like they have this whole list, but the angry and confused are big ones, you need to tell them to drink some water because those are big signs of, you know, dehydration and and your body dysregulating. And so being hydrated is an important one to help manage your stress. And I know that's not maybe something we think of all the time, but it is helpful.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah, I have my emotional support water bottle and it goes with me everywhere. Everywhere. So, next is movement. Movement is magic for stress. Um, when your body is in motion, your brain produces endorphins, right? And they endorphins, they're going to improve your mood and they're going to literally change your brain chemistry. And for us autoimmune folks, it's about gentle, consistent movement, right?

Alysia Thomas:  So, try 10 minutes of stretching in the morning or before you go to bed. Chair yoga, nature walks are extremely beneficial. um because you you get outside, you get that fresh air, you're getting vitamin D, which most of us are deficient in, and you you're also grounding. Um there are a number of studies that show even a 10-minute walk can have such a huge impact on your stress levels, your mindset, um your mood.

Alysia Thomas:  If, if movement was treated like the medication that it is, people would be outside moving around all the time. Um swimming, water aerobics, those are really great um low impact movements. And so on the days when none of those things really seem possible for you, if you're in a flare or if your disease is is that far advanced, there are things that you can do. you should go back and check out our episode with Miranda Lee. Um she talks about compassion and gentle movement and she has a really cool practice that she shared with us that you can do even on your toughest days. And so you don't need to beat yourself up about not doing the kind of exercise you feel like you should be able to do, but you do need to be pushing yourself for movement every day consistently. And and you know it doesn't have to be a long walk. If you break it up and you do five minutes here and 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there and five minutes there that adds up and the benefit is the same as if you had done one long walk. Movement is is an underrated way to help you manage your stress levels.

Stacy Griffin:  I agree. Walking my dogs is We live in Texas. It's hot here and it's really hot right now as we are filming this. But I'm here to tell you that the walks that I do with my dogs, 10 minutes a day, three times a day, make a huge difference on those rough days. Yes, it's hard to get out the door, but once I'm out and I'm moving, I start to feel better as long as I can keep myself out of the sun.  

So, it's it's just about caring for yourself, giving your body what it needs, and and accepting on those days when even that is too much that there are still very gentle, kind ways you can treat your body and help it. And one of the things that we can do is sleep.

Stacy Griffin:  We need to get some good sleep. Sometimes that can also be difficult. But the reason it's so important is because rest, all rest, whether it's a nap or laying in bed all night long or taking a moment to sit down in a chair for a few minutes, rest is recovery. It's important. So, don't fight it. If your body is screaming for a nap, listen to your body and give it what it needs. Build a wind-down routine at night. no screens before bed or lavender essential oil, magnesium supplements, calming down with maybe some lemon balm or chamomile tea, whatever works for you. Find something that works for you because a relaxing sleep routine can really take the edge off of a stressful day.  

And then obviously getting a good night's sleep will make life a whole lot better, a whole lot better for you.

Becky Miller:  That is absolutely true. And um I know we've kind of been talking about some physical, more the physical side of stress, but for a minute let's talk about the mental side of stress. And I think one of the big things that comes in, especially for those of us with chronic illness, is we get caught up in the stress of the things that we can't do because of our diagnosis. And we have to remind ourselves we can't change our diagnosis, but we can change the story we tell ourselves about our diagnosis. So consider it this way. Do you think of yourself as broken, or do you consider yourself a warrior who's standing despite it all? Um, I know for me it varies from day to day and probably I'm a lot of days I'm somewhere in between, but it's still important and we need to consistently work on our inner dialogue, because if we are seeing ourselves as broken or you know thinking of all the things that we can't do anymore instead of the things that we can do - and sometimes the things we can do feel so limiting we have to get creative, and it takes some time to grow into that new us as it were. 

Um, but it's so important. Inner dialogue is so important. It really shapes everything and it it can really be so much of a game changer for you from a stress perspective. Um, if you feel like that's something you need help with, obviously if it's something you're genuinely struggling with, I would say consider getting professional help if you have that as an option. Um, if you don't have insurance or whatever, consider some online, they have some free online options, something to help you with that inner dialogue. We had a really great conversation with uh Sarah Haapanen last week and we discussed ways to improve the inner narrative. So, if you haven't heard that yet, I would encourage you to go check that out because she really gave some good suggestions on that.

Alysia Thomas:  Yeah, she had a really great outlook. I enjoyed chatting with her. So, a I think what we're trying to guide you towards is adopting a growth mindset. That is our first of our Big Six.

Alysia Thomas:  It's funny how we're talking about the other five of our big six while we have this discussion of the sixth, right? Those five all contribute, um to this. So when you have that growth mindset, it is a total game changer, right? And and like Becky said, you have to kind of get used to living with the the diagnosis. And so you do have to create a new narrative for yourself and you get to choose what that narrative is. And so you can either be saying, "Oh, well, I can't do this now." Or you can be saying, "I haven't figured this one out yet. I haven't figured this out yet." Um, so that tiny shift of saying yet, it gives you the power. It puts the power back in you. So when you feel that, when you feel like you are empowered, stress loses its death grip on you, right?

Stacy Griffin:  What we need to understand is that when we let ourselves free from the stress that tries to grip us rather heavily, we will discover that we have the ability to use our mind to make choices. And one of those conscious choices we can make is to quiet ourselves. So for just a minute, I want to show you how to do that effectively. All that you have to do is stand or sit with your feet on the ground. And I want you for a moment to imagine the most empty space in your mind that you can.

Close your eyes if that helps because it often does. And in that space, I want you to put only the one thing that matters most to you in life. Not all the stress, not all the other stuff. So, let's just say that you are someone who loves trees. In the middle of this empty space, there's now a big, beautiful tree. While you are looking at that tree, you can walk up to it. You can sit down underneath it. But what I want you to do is this. I want you to breathe in slowly through your nose on a count of five. So, one, two, three, four, five.  Hold it for three seconds. 2 3 And then release it for five. Five. Okay. So, do that three or four times in a row.

Concentrate on only your breath. Because here's what happens when you mindfully breathe, meaning you're paying attention to it. We don't often pay attention to the way we breathe. But when we control our breath as it enters our body and we focus on holding it and then releasing it, that's the only thing that our brain can think about is that it forces a hard stop to whatever is stressing us out. Now, the stress may come parading back in quite readily after we're done with the breathing exercise, but here's the thing that it does for your body. It calms your mind and then you can maybe figure out how to deal with the stress a little more effectively. You can have taken a moment to brace yourself and think about things.

Mindfulness is not always just about doing yoga and humming. It's it's not always about that.  It is about being aware of your body's needs. And the most important thing our body needs is breath. So when we pay attention to our breath, it allows us to feel better. Now if you want to add an extra boost to that, you can add an affirmation. So let me give you a few affirmations that you can use.

"My body is doing the best it can, and so am I." And breathe that in. "My body is doing the best it can, and so am I."

"It is okay to rest. Rest is productive." I know that feels counterintuitive, but honestly, guys, it's not because when you pause, when you think, when you breathe, it allows you to have more energy and more mental faculty to do what you need to do. Oxygenating your brain makes you think better. Actively breathing makes you think more clearly. So that's why it's important.

And here's my last one for you. "I am worthy of care exactly as I am. I am worthy of care exactly as I am." 

We don't need to change who we are. We just need to change how we choose to treat ourselves. So much of stress care is about loving ourselves in the moment that we find ourselves. We can't change a lot of the problems in our life immediately. Some of them are infinitely more complicated than that. So we have to make a space for ourselves to be okay where we are so that we can tackle things. So, love yourself. That's what I'm trying to say is love yourself enough to give your body what it needs to be okay.

Becky Miller: And I feel like one of the ways that we can learn to love ourselves is to not forget the power of gratitude. I know that sometimes it's almost become a cliche that 'attitude of gratitude,' but honestly guys, it is they've done studies that show that that is like a game changer for stress, for happiness, the more grateful you are, the higher happiness levels and like the lower stress levels you have.  

They've done it, it's scientifically proven and it's they've done some pretty amazing studies on it. And again, sometimes we find ourselves in a place for those of us with chronic illness, chronic pain. You can be having a really hard day and sometimes it's like, what in the world can I find to be grateful about today? I mean, really, what can I find to be grateful about? And sometimes you're looking for the little things. I am grateful that I had a warm cup of tea. I am grateful that when I was feeling awful, my sweet kitty cat noticed and came and sat on my lap and purred at me until I felt a little bit better. I am grateful I was able to walk around the block or in some cases, I am grateful I was able to get up and shower today. I'm grateful my pain was a five instead of an eight or a nine. Like some of those sound almost like why in the world would you be grateful for that? But it's finding those little things.  

Gratitude is not asking you to ignore the hard things. They're still there. And you can totally be honest with yourself. It's not asking you to ignore the hard things. It's giving your nervous system a reason to soften and recognize there are still good things in the world and that we can find joy even when we're having a really tough time.

Alysia Thomas:  It's it's almost like a foreign concept to people that you can experience and find joy when you are also experiencing um pain or suffering of some kind. They can happen at the same time.

Okay, so we want to talk for a minute. Those are those are like the the go-to ways, science-backed ways that we can help kind of lower our stress responses in our stress levels. But we want to talk about um for a second creative or alternative outlets for stress. Becky mentioned one of them. I think she she brought up the mention of my cat, because I was having a rough day yesterday and my cat is an empath. I believe animals are empaths and my cat came to me. She never sits in my lap ever. But she came and she jumped in my lap and she laid there her head on my arm and she purred, and I just sat there with her and I petted her until a few minutes later I realized I felt so much better. So I'll say it again because I always say it. Uh pets are therapy. Pets are therapy, but we want to expand our toolbox.

Alysia Thomas:  So, let's talk about creative expression. It can be a really powerful stress outlet. Um, which is why therapists are often recommending it. Journaling, um, especially brain dumps. It helps clear that emotional clutter. And if you are like me, um, going through perimenopause, um, the emotional clutter is in my brain all the time. And it sometimes trying to have a conversation with people I love, they're probably going, "What? Like what are you what are you even talking about?" But that's what brain dumps are good for. So instead of dumping it on your poor husband at 11 o'clock at night, you should maybe consider...like what I did last night is I wrote a poem. I bought a a a snarky little poem about living with perimenopause. And I felt much better when I was done.

So, that's a creative expression that can help. Um, there's obviously art. Um, if you like to paint or sculpt or I'm not good at really either of those things, but I love to you I love um adult coloring books. I buy really nice colored pencils and really nice markers and I enjoy that. It's meditative to me. Um, music is therapeutic. Dancing is therapeutic. Um, there are studies that show screaming is therapeutic. Like if you go just out, I mean, do that carefully. Go somewhere where nobody's going to be scared that you're screaming like a banshee, but it feels good sometimes to just scream. Um, gardening, um, hiking, like there's just so many different things that you can do. And all of those engage different parts of your brain, right? And that helps calm your nervous system. So, kind of like Stacy's exercise, it helps just it helps calm your nervous system and that has a massive effect on your stress response.

Stacy Griffin:  Nature therapy is another secret weapon. And we've already talked a little bit about the importance of being out in nature, but not just walking out in nature. Go and sit somewhere for a little while. Sit under a tree, touch the dirt. Be careful if you're in Texas or anywhere with fire ants, but...but there are ways that you can be outside without being killed by a bunch of fire ants. But you just have to be careful. Check before you sit, okay?

But you really, it's amazing how sitting under a tree is good for you. It has actually been proven by science that the dirt underneath a tree is even better for you than elsewhere because the tree is pulling in all those nutrients and water. And so it's why you will see cows out in a field under a tree. It's not just because it is nice to be in the shade. It's because it is significantly cooler because of the effect of the roots pulling water up into the tree. So it's a great place to be on a hot day for multiple reasons. If you can go barefoot in your backyard for a few minutes a day, that's great for you. Grounding is fantastic. And I'm not going to get into all of the logistics with that cuz it's, you would need to study it out yourself. But honestly, just standing outside on a patch of dirt or grass is just good for you. It helps your body feel better. Research shows that being in green spaces lowers blood pressure and stress hormones. And bonus sunshine, a little extra vitamin D will be great because it's crucial for immune health. And if we're suffering with immune problems, then we need all the help we can get.

Alysia Thomas: That's actually one of my favorite um things that my husband and I have started doing. probably won't last and all year round because we live in Minnesota. But in the mornings we we get our cup of tea or whatever and we go and we sit barefoot on our front porch together and drink our tea and our front porch p faces east so the sun is coming up. We get sun on our face. We our feet are on the ground. Um, usually our little dogs out there with us and we just enjoy the the moment of being out and getting that fresh air and it's so good for you. It's it's a great way to start the day. Um, I don't think I'll be doing that when it's 20 below. But, um, I also want to throw in that I don't know that we have that we're going to talk about it, but the therapeutic effects of water.

So, I was last week I was laying on the beach on Lake Superior and it was better than a therapy session for me. It was the best. I was I just laid there for probably a half an hour and I felt so much better afterward just listening to the waves, the seagulls, could feel the sand under my feet, under my hands and it was the best. It was the best. So do do what it takes to get outside. I know it's hard to do, but sometimes it can be, depending on your lifestyle and what you're dealing with with your diseases, but so much benefit to nature therapy.

Becky Miller:  Yeah. And try to be creative about how you adapt that. I, I've mentioned before I live on a farm and um that that's my go-to bonding with my animals, being outdoors, but I have because I have lupus, I have strict times I do it. I take care of things in the morning and in the evening when it's not as hot and the sun isn't as high, and if I have something if something going on with the animals or something that needs done with the farm in the middle of the day, I usually have my family take that on, um because I don't do as well with the sun. But even in the morning and the evening to get that sun and to be out and enjoy the outdoors, um, we talked about the benefit of vitamin D and some of us aren't really fortunate enough to bask in the sun to get their vitamin D that way. It's going to be supplements forever for those of us, our little lupus vampires here, but um and I know there are other autoimmune diseases that have sun intolerance as well, but I know when I go out, it's sunscreen and I have a huge wide-brim hat that's like the kind that old grandmas use when they garden and and I have UV shirts and all kinds of things to help with that when I'm out for, you know, even more than 10 minutes at a time. And, uh and so it's worth it though because there are so many benefits stress benefits um being in nature. So if you can if you have any means find a way to uh adapt and spend a little time out there because it will be helpful.

And of course don't underestimate laughter. Um that is another one that they've proven laughter is wonderful. Um it it literally lowers cortisol. It is not just a feel-good thing. It is actually medicine. So, watch that ridiculous sitcom. Follow a funny animal account on Facebook or Instagram. I know cats and dogs are super popular options, but honestly, I don't even know how I got it on my feed, but I, I got a thing on wombats. I'm pretty into wombats now. Um, frogs. I've seen frog accounts, whatever, you know. And if you're not an animal person, there are tons of funny, humorous things that you can follow on social media as well. Just find something that makes you laugh. Um, call that friend who makes you laugh until you cry.  

You know, uh, your go-to person that that is going to make you smile and laugh.

And I, I think one of the other studies that they've talked about is like 12 ...12 minutes of good heartfelt conversation with somebody who cares about you and who listens significantly reduces stress levels as well. So and again I am not going to assume that everybody out there has somebody that they can talk to that openly about their stress. This is where finding consider finding online communities if you can, or someone out there, because you might not be in a situation or in an area where you can really find people that understand you. So fortunately in today's day and age, I think we have a few more options than it used to be. Even when you're homebound, you can still reach out online, which is a blessing.

Stacy Griffin: So, we've, we've talked about tools, nutrition, movement, mindset, mindfulness, and you might be thinking, you know, that really sounds great, but I don't have the energy to do all of this. And honestly, we get it because even thinking about stress management can be stressful when we're already overwhelmed, fatigued, and flaring.  

But here's the truth, guys. Like Becky was saying, you were never meant to do this alone. And if you don't have a supportive spouse, if you don't have someone who can help to carry the load with you, then you need to reach out. And we're going to talk about ways that you can do that.

Becky Miller:  Exactly, guys. cuz individual practices that we've been discussing are powerful, but like Stacy was just saying, they're not meant to be carried entirely on your shoulders all the time. Support systems are essential and the people around you, the communities, the voices you let in. And I think that's key too again because there are the the online option is a blessing, but it can also be a curse. You've got to be careful about the voices that you let in because they can either increase your stress or decrease your stress. help dissolve it. So, you want to make sure you're finding the right communities so that you're not actually just adding to your stress with, you know, with the community that you're associating with.  

And sometimes that takes a little work and we understand because again, we don't have a lot of energy to spare. But this is something that I would would argue whenever you can spare a little bit of energy is worth putting your time into because having a good support system really can just make the biggest difference on days that are really miserable. It is so important to have to know that somebody has your back. So important.

Alysia Thomas: I think that um a lot a lot the vast majority of people that are suffering from autoimmune disease are women and um women especially it's been proven they need other women to talk to. Women need to talk and and so if you don't have that friend, you might have to go out of your way to create some good friendships or lean into the ones that you have and deepen those friendships. You should have you should put forth the effort like Becky said, it is worth it to put the effort into building your support system. Whether that is with your spouse or your partner or another loved one, whether that is with um friends, whether that is online, whether that is your doctor, your therapist.  

Um for me, my sisters are my go-to and I am very very blessed to have that. So, always be adding, always be adding to that. Um, also put a plug in for really clean up your social media feed because um, if you are a scroller like many of us are, um, the things that you're continually consuming, they're going to live in your brain. So, I had to do this a little while ago. I was following a lot of fitness and dieting accounts and I was following things that were, you know, accounts that were just like showing lifestyles that I couldn't live anymore. And it was hard for me to see that. And I started comparing myself and I started getting down on myself. And one day I was like, you know what? I'm going to get rid of all this. I just unfollowed literally everything and everyone.

And I started from scratch and I started liking things. And you know, our algorithms, they'll change. And so I started liking therapists. I started liking quotes and and clips about things that are good for you. Um, I started following um, not dieters, but dieticians, people that talk about nutrition and the benefit of eating healthy. Um, I started follow I mean I my feed is full of goodness now. It's full of goodness. I I have the the animal ones that make me laugh. I have the funny autoimmune memes that people share that always I'm like, "Oh my gosh, that's so true." You know, I, my feed is actually a a fun thing for me. It makes me happy. I usually only I try to only look do it at night. But clean up your social media feed and and still be careful about how much you use it because social media has been, is, had it's there's a lot now studies coming out that it can um impact your mental health negatively.

So as we were saying, science backs it up. If you have um a strong support system, it actually lowers your cortisol levels. So that gives you better immune responses and it even helps improve your outcomes in your chron, you know, living with your chronic illness. So your body your body knows when it is safe to rest, right? When it feels supported, when it feels safe and it tells your nervous system, you are held. You are not alone. And that reduces stress on a physiological level. I, I know you've all experienced this. Um, I, I've experienced it most recently with my daughter's wedding. Uh, my oldest got married this summer and I was in the thick of planning and carrying out and um running things, managing all of it and traveling on top of it, a large road trip on top of it. And the stress, the physical stress was heavy on me. The mental stress was also significant. Literally the night the wedding was over, I laid in bed and I slept like a baby.  

And when I got home a few days later, my body just completely shut down. Just shut down. You know, my body said, "Okay, you're safe. You're safe. You're home. You don't have to perform anymore." And it shut off. And I rested. And I rested. so well that I avoided a flare, which usually comes after a stressful event. For me, I avoided a flare because I listened to my body and I rested and my body knew what to do. It knew the assignment. So, um, just listen to your body. We we talk about it all the time. You've got to listen to your body and your body will cry out for support. uh we it's lonely. This having chronic illness is can be very lonely. You can be misunderstood and you can feel isolated. So it it's just it's critical you guys. It's critical to have a support system.

Stacy Griffin:  Support systems don't just help us survive hard days, they help us breathe through them because some days it's just so hard to move forward in any fashion. And just like the breathing exercise I took you through, you have to think about things consciously. Just like when you practice a breathing exercise and you consciously go through it, you have to consciously make an effort to find a support system. Okay? It's it's something you have to make a priority because those hard days, they're going to come and they will be so much harder without support.

So, when you're having a good day, get online, find something that fits what you need and start to spread your wings a little bit. It's difficult sometimes, especially if you are an introvert. Um, I have a couple of very close friends who are and it's hard for them. It's really hard to reach out and get that support. But the beauty is that there's a little bit of anonymity online. So you can still put yourself out there without really like endangering your, yourself too much.

Um, you have to remind yourself that you're not overreacting. Your disease is what you think it is. I think that people are like, "Maybe I'm just doing too much or thinking too hard about this." No, you just need support. You need someone else who can say, "I see you. I hear what you're going through and I understand it. Your pain is real. Your needs matter. They're important. And sometimes just knowing someone else sees what you're going through, that alone can lower your stress response. They may not know exactly what's going on with you, but if they have a chronic illness as well, they will at least understand that helplessness and hopelessness that we occasionally feel. And it's good to know we're not alone.

Becky Miller:  And guys, we want to just say this directly - we are grateful that we have the opportunity to be a small part of your support system. We're glad that you're here with us. Through this podcast and through the stories that we're sharing, the guests that we have come on through this shared space, we're, hopefully, you feel like we're walking with you and that you can recognize that you're not alone. And you know, we always say if you have something that you have a question about that you would like us to discuss, please feel free to throw it in the comments. We would love to hear from you on what would help you feel not alone. Um because I think that's really important.

Alysia Thomas: Yeah, we love that. We really do love being here for you. And we we I know we all wish that we could be more hands-on about being here for you. We feel very driven to do this podcast. We feel like it is something that we would have benefited from having available to us when we were going through our early years of diagnosis, and you know, seeking diagnosis and juggling doctors and trying different medicines and trying to adjust our lifestyle and and it's it's it can be so much, and so we are doing this because we want to we want to be there for you. We really do. Please reach out. Please make friends with us. We like people. We are people persons. People people. All of us. We love it.

So, a few other ways that you can maybe work on strengthening your support system is to join specific autoimmune online forums. I love my Facebook groups. I have found some excellent information. I have found validation. I have spoken with amazing people. So I, I joined ones that are specifically for the diseases that I have and it's pretty it's pretty great. Another thing you can do is attend in-person or virtual support groups. Um, I I'm I do think there is a um a very real benefit to having face-toface conversations with people. So, work with a therapist if you can. Um, a health coach who understands chronic illness would be great. A life coach who understands chronic illness. Um, if you can if you can afford that kind of help, get it. If you can't afford that kind of help, get creative about finding the free resources that are out there and because there are a lot, there are a lot. Um, and then be open to educating loved ones or anybody who is interested in hearing. Be open to educating because sometimes people want to help. They just don't know how to do it, right?

I know that's that's the case most of the time. people that know you and love you, they want to support you, they just don't know how to support you. So, have some very clear ways. Like, I'm when I'm having a bad day, I my family knows exactly how to step up and and take care of things. I don't have to I don't have to lay out all the things that they could do to help me, you know. Um, just kidding. Sometimes I totally have to do that. But be willing to open your mouth is what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to ask for what you need. Ask for what you need. Um, and then as we mentioned before, release those toxic relationships, even family, if necessary. We don't say this lightly, you guys.  

It's a, that, this could be one of the hardest things you ever do in your life is to let go of a relationship that is unhealthy, because you can never live a healthy life when you are in an unhealthy relationship. Your body literally cannot heal when you are in a toxic relationship. Let that sink in, because this one takes a lot of work. This one takes if you have to leave a relationship, especially if it's your life partner, if you have to leave that in order to put your health first, um there's a lot that goes into it. So, think deeply, start making plans if you need to make plans, take necessary steps if you need to do that. And um, we know we know that we don't we don't say that lightly. We wouldn't put that in there if we didn't feel that it was extremely important to address.

Stacy Griffin:  We understand it can be really difficult to make those kind of decisions about whether to let a relationship go or not, but not all of us have to make that decision. And so I want to give a shout out to the people that support us. If you are a caregiver or a partner who is listening to this, thank you. And please take care of yourself, too, because burnout is real. And your well-being matters just as much as ours does. But we're so grateful. I, I will speak for we chronic illness warriors. We are so grateful for the people that stand in the corner with us, who may not fully understand what we are going through, who may not even begin to understand, but are still there with us because they care enough that they trust us

Alysia Thomas:  Even when it impacts their life.

Becky Miller: Yes.

Stacy Griffin: Exactly. Exactly.

Alysia Thomas: Especially when it impacts their life, and they still stand by us. That kind of loyalty is, you don't take it lightly.

Stacy Griffin: It should be honored. But that's why we say what we do about toxic relationships because when you have a good relationship, you understand how much more easy it is to maneuver through life. Whether that's your best friend understanding you, your spouse or life partner understanding you, or you know, anyone else in your life who understands you. Because the other side of a toxic relationship, the other side of that coin are those people that support us and love us. And they are important and they deserve our gratitude and they deserve us to say thank you. So, please reach out and tell the people that are supporting you that you really appreciate them.

Becky Miller:  Yes. Kind of just in closing, guys, we want you to remember that is okay to need help. And that is not just going out like Stacy and Alicia were mentioning, definitely going out to the chronic illness warriors out there, but also going out to the people who help them. It's okay to need help. um whether you need professional, you know, within your community, your family, even podcasts like this one. I know there's a lot of other good ones out there. Um there's a lot of people that are willing and ready to support you if you make an effort to try and find them. And like I said, sometimes that's hard when we when we have limited energy, but consider it kind of like your own form of self-care that you're doing this because you need a good support system. So take a few minutes every day and just do something that would help you connect with somebody else, because in the long run it will really help you with your stress management and just your day-to-day living in so many ways.  

Um, stress management and strong support systems aren't just check boxes. They're the foundation for healing. And you deserve peace. You deserve joy. And you deserve people in your life who see you for who you really are.

Alysia Thomas:  Thank you so much for spending time with us today, guys. We know this one's kind, there's kind of a lot that goes into it and we love that you joined us and if nobody has told you this today, you are doing an amazing job. Your body is doing the best that it can and so are you. So, you're showing up for yourself and that is not a small thing.

And in the meantime, come visit us at autoimmuneadventures.com. You can share your story and you can find some tools that we provide. Um, tell us, tell a friend about the show. Like, we we would love to spread the word and help us grow the support system together.

Remember that you are worthy of joy. Your disease does not define your life. You do.

HELPFUL LINKS:

Studies on the benefits of being in nature/grounding:

American Psychological Association. (2021). The restorative effects of nature exposure: A systematic review. SAGE Open. https://journals.sagepub.com/eprint/EA46GH29S7QS49PZUV9E/full

Kondo, M. C., et al. (2024). Urban nature and mental health: A ZIP code–level analysis of outpatient visits and greenspace access.

ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/02/240226114541.htm

Kyoto University Environmental Design Group. (2025, May). Comparative effects of traditional Japanese gardens on stress and heart rate recovery. The Times UK. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/tranquillity-lies-in-the-gardens-of-japan-kwnz26083

Reece, J., et al. (2024). Short-term mental health benefits of nature exposure for people with mental illnesses: A meta-analysis. Ecopsychology. https://www.reddit.com/r/psychology/comments/1eehxv2/

Antonelli, M., Barbieri, G., & Donelli, D. (2022). Effects of forest therapy on blood pressure and salivary cortisol: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Forests, 14(9), 1851. https://www.mdpi.com/1999-4907/14/9/1851

Ikei, H., Tsunetsugu, Y., Park, B. J., & Miyazaki, Y. (2010). Physiological effects of touching wood: Comparison of contact with beech wood and other materials. Journal of Wood Science, 56(5), 347–352. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10086-009-1115-z

Koga, K., & Iwasaki, Y. (2013). Psychological and physiological effects in humans of touching plant foliage: Using the semantic differential method and cerebral activity. Journal of Physiological Anthropology, 32, 7. https://jphysiolanthropol.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1880-6805-32-7

Subramaniam, B. (2024, August 29). The surprising ways soil can aid our mental health. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-subtle-impact/202408/what-does-soil-have-to-do-with-mental-health

Tsunetsugu, Y., Park, B. J., Ishii, H., Hirano, H., Kagawa, T., & Miyazaki, Y. (2007). Physiological effects of Shinrin-yoku (taking in the atmosphere of the forest)—Using salivary cortisol and cerebral activity as indicators. Journal of Physiological Anthropology, 26(2), 123–128. https://doi.org/10.2114/jpa2.26.123

Yao, L., Ideno, T., Kurita, S., et al. (2020). Exposure to natural environments and its effects on physiological and psychological stress indicators: A meta-analysis. Urban Forestry & Urban Greening, 57, 126932. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ufug.2020.126932

Studies on the benefits of Gratitude:

Bono, G., Sender, J. T., & Emmons, R. A. (2023). Gratitude interventions and mental health: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Journal of Positive Psychology, Advance online publication. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37585888/

Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2021). Gratitude interventions: Effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety. Journal of Happiness Studies, 22, 413–445. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6

Cureton, J. L., Wood, A. M., & Layous, K. (2021). The effects of gratitude journaling on stress and depressive symptoms in healthcare workers: A randomized controlled trial. Psychological Services, 18(3), 374–382. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25222798/

Delker, B. C., & Frewen, P. (2022). Gratitude and stress during COVID-19: A randomized controlled study comparing gratitude writing to expressive writing. Journal of Happiness Studies, 23, 1203–1223. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35228834/

Iida, M., & Yoshimura, K. (2024). Daily grat

Studies on the benefits of laughter:

Berk, L. S., Felten, D. L., Tan, S. A., Bittman, B. B., & Westengard, J. (2001). Neuroendocrine and stress hormone changes during mirthful laughter. The American Journal of the Medical Sciences, 321(6), 94–98. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11356992/

Bressington, D., Yu, C., Wong, W., Ng, T. C., & Chien, W. T. (2019). Laughter-inducing therapies: A systematic review and meta-analysis of cortisol outcomes. Social Science & Medicine, 232, 473–488. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2019.05.045

Cavalcante, P., Sousa, M., & Monteiro, L. (2023). Laughter as medicine: A systematic review and meta-analysis evaluating spontaneous laughter's impact on cortisol levels. PLOS ONE, 18(5), e0285491. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0285491

Fujisawa, A., Ota, A., Matsunaga, M., Li, Y., Kakizaki, M., Naito, H., & Yatsuya, H. (2018). Effect of laughter yoga on salivary cortisol and dehydroepiandrosterone among healthy university students: A randomized controlled trial. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 32, 6–11. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30057059/

Si, S., Çelik, K. A., & Kılınç, T. (2022). The effect of laughter yoga on perceived stress, burnout, and life satisfaction in nurses during the pandemic: A randomized controlled trial. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 49, 101637. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ctcp.2022.101637

Studies on benefits of meaningful conversation:

Hall, J. A., Xing, C., & Emmons, R. A. (2023). Just one quality conversation with a friend boosts daily well-being. Communication Research. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2023/02/230207102905.htm

Rodrigues, S. M., Yoon, J., Clancy, M. M., & Stine-Morrow, E. A. L. (2021). What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women. Journal of Women & Aging, 33(6), 617–633. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34038325/

Southwick, S. M., Vythilingam, M., & Charney, D. S. (2005). The psychobiology of depression and resilience to stress: Implications for prevention and treatment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1, 255–291. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.143948

Uchino, B. N. (2006). Social support and health: A review of physiological processes potentially underlying links to disease outcomes. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 29(4), 377–387. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-006-9056-5